


Blind Spot

by baeconandeggs, Luciferland



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-07 22:45:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luciferland/pseuds/Luciferland
Summary: Baekhyun spends a lot of time alone thinking while waiting for Chanyeol to wake up. It’s all he can do. He thinks about Kyungsoo. He thinks about he and Chanyeol’s past, their future. Most of all, he thinks about how painful it felt, not being able to go to Chanyeol, his accusing eyes, haunting, as the bullet sunk deep into his skin, watching him fall.





	Blind Spot

**Author's Note:**

> Dear prompter, I've mixed it up slightly, I hope you enjoy. Thank you mods for being endlessly kind and patient and finally, thank you H for being a godsend. You know I appreciate you a lot. Everyone, I hope you enjoy ^^ Much Love.

**Blind Spot**

 

_ Baekhyun spends a lot of time alone thinking while waiting for Chanyeol to wake up. It’s all he can do. He thinks about Kyungsoo. He thinks about he and Chanyeol’s past, their future. Most of all, he thinks about how painful it felt, not being able to go to Chanyeol, his accusing eyes, haunting, as the bullet sunk deep into his skin, watching him fall.  _

_ Head in hands, Baekhyun tugs at his hair, pulling away with strands falling from his fingers. The lump under the crisp hospital duvet next to him keeps breathing. Chanyeol looks so still that Baekhyun reaches for his hand, a little desperately; to make sure he’s still warm. He is.  _

_ Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Does time exist? Does it pass according to mood? What, the more desperate you feel, the more reason for time to send a big ‘fuck you’? Baekhyun has been dragged past the urge to cry again, eyes already red raw, mind scraped and bloody. What good would it do? He knows Chanyeol will wake up. He just doesn’t want those bottomless, accusing eyes to find his once more. Doesn’t want to feel helpless and alone. He doesn’t want Chanyeol to feel any of these things either, which is why he now takes comfort from he who has always been Baekhyun’s pillar of strength. Baekhyun squeezes Chanyeol’s hand tighter, brushes the hair from his face, softly, softly, and kisses his knuckles, softly, softly, remembering a lullaby, once sung to him, now sung back.  _

 

♫ ~ ♪ ~ ♫

 

 

Baekhyun awakens to Chanyeol’s even breathing. He always sleeps so soundly, looks so blissful that Baekhyun occasionally feels as though his husband will never open his eyes. 

Sometimes, Baekhyun tries to wake a little early, just to watch him sleep. He has beautiful round eyes, it amuses Baekhyun that this cliché is one of the reasons he fell in love. These fanciful poets aren’t getting their lines from nowhere. Chanyeol’s full lips naturally pout a little while relaxed in sleep, making Baekhyun want to lean forward and take them between his own thinner ones.  _ God,  _ it’s like kissing pillows, but a lot more responsive. After maybe ten more minutes of knowing he sounds ridiculous, (the lads at the station would laugh all day if they could hear these drowsy morning thoughts,) Baekhyun makes the executive decision to get up, otherwise they’ll both be late. 

It’s another twenty minutes before Chanyeol stirs, by which time Baekhyun is already dressed and fed and in his right mind, with Chanyeol’s own uniform and breakfast lined up for him in their respective places. Chanyeol stretches his long frame across the bed, knowing that Baekhyun will already be up, happy for the touch of warm skin if he isn’t. Baekhyun laughed for a long time when Chanyeol first explained this to him.  

 

_ “Admit it; you only want to suffocate me in my sleep so you don’t have to put clean underwear on every day.” Chanyeol tackled Baekhyun back onto the sofa. _

_ “If I had it my way Baekhyunnie I wouldn’t be wearing underwear at all.” _

_ “You’re disgusting!” _

 

It’s not long before they arrive at the station. Chanyeol leans over to kiss Baekhyun lightly on the lips before they open the doors of their own unmarked Hyundai Sonata and make their way into the building.

The hustle and bustle has come to be the norm over the past few months. Kyungsoo’s case has been top priority for the police here in Jongno-gu and both Baekhyun and Chanyeol are working on different aspects of the same case.

“Ah, here they are.” Jongdae’s voice rises above the hubbub and Baekhyun makes his way over, leaving Chanyeol to his own business now they’re inside. 

“What’s up Jongdae, any news?” The slightly younger officer, brown haired, stocky and standing firm at a similar height to Baekhyun picks up a file from the desk he’s standing next to. 

“Boss’s been in to brief us all this morning. You’ll love this, Baek. It’s not pretty, but it’s progress nonetheless.” Jongdae’s face is grim when he slaps the file into his partner’s hands. Opening up the cover, Baekhyun sees what he’s already spent weeks staring at and trying to memorise. Kyungsoo, serial killer of the year, popped up early February from a background of abuse with a small stature, brown hair, scary eyebrows and no apparent connections between or reasons for his violence. He has a current body count of five. Or six, as it now appears.

“Come on then, what are the gory details?” Baekhyun is long since resigned to this violence, definitely not the same as being used to it though.

“Windpipe punctured as you can see in that picture. Early this morning at about one thirty. Jinseok took the call, checked it out. The body was found down under the bridge near the river by a stray dog who had taken one of the victim’s ears – yep I know – both of them were gone when we found the body. Anyway, some poor homeless bastard who fed the dog scraps saw it come back with the ear and called us up.” 

"Shit." Baekhyun just stares at the file, not quite knowing how else to respond. He still needs to mentally kick himself to get his brain into gear. "So I guess it's a trip to the morgue? Or we just need to wait for their report to come through?"

"Yeah they'll send the report. Should be here within the week with any luck." 

Baekhyun looks over to where Chanyeol has his head bent together with Hakyeon. Those two would go down to the crime scene, while Baekhyun has his hands full wracking his brains to find some kind of pattern between these killings. Back to work.

A week ahead finds them no closer to the heart of the problem.

"Try not to let it get to you, Baek.” Chanyeol’s thumb stokes along the knuckles of Baekhyun’s free hand as he drives. 

“I know that, but we’re left with no clue! And if there is one, it’s pretty well hidden.” He heaves a tremendous sigh, having to pull his hand away to change gears as they reach the final red light before turning down their street. 

“It’ll come, maybe if you took a night to completely forget about the case you’ll come back with a fresh view?”

“Yeah, but how many more bodies will pile up while I just ‘take my time’ huh?” The car is silent while Baekhyun pulls up the driveway, killing the engine. A sigh.

“Sorry Yeol. This is worse than our normal cases, you know. You’re right. Maybe just an hour will do some good.”

“I’ll run you a bath tonight. After dinner we can watch a film, yeah?” Baekhyun throws a grateful nod Chanyeol’s way before opening the door and toeing off his boots. 

Later, when they’re curled up on the couch and half way through Zootopia - at Chanyeol’s insistence that it’s light-hearted enough to help him forget, seemingly oblivious to the whole protagonist-is-a-police-officer thing,  – Baekhyun speaks up.  

Despite the scented candles Chanyeol had set out in the bathroom actually working to loosen his tense muscles, Baekhyun’s brain has been whirring on low ever since he left the station. Looking past his tendency to act on a hunch, Chanyeol is pretty damn good at his job. But Baekhyun sometimes worries that he’s  _ too  _ eager. He knows the train of thought should be unnecessary. Chanyeol is a fully grown man, he can look after himself, he was there at the police station before Baekhyun was…but. 

“Today…” Baekhyun rubs where his hand rests on Chanyeol’s knee. The other looks at him quizzically. “What were you thinking?” Chanyeol’s face drops, his lip gets pulled between his teeth.

“Baek…” They both know what’s coming. 

“Last time, you _promised_ me you’d tell someone. At least drop me a text, I don’t care if you’re doing it while driving, _we_ _are_ the law.” 

“There was nobody about I could tell in the moment. The witness from last time, the homeless guy, I gave him my number when I went with Hakyeon that time. He called me up while I was already out. What else could I do Baek? You know that any chance we have at a lead we have to take it. 

“You- you should have called back at the station first. To check it in with someone.” Baekhyun knows he’s being ridiculous. Of course if he were in Chanyeol’s place he would have done the same, only he would have called someone up first, would have checked his facts, to make sure they knew where he was and what he was getting himself into.

“You  _ know _ that would have taken too much time. Baek, please…” There’s a moment where Chanyeol gazes silently into Baekhyun’s eyes. He must see something there, because he wraps Baekhyun in his arms. “I’m safe, aren’t I? Nothing came of it. Plus, I caught that guy, Bin Won. I was right.” 

Baekhyun feels the familiar constriction in his chest, but he’s just worried. It takes more than this to make him cry. He pulls his face back to look sternly at his husband.

“ _ Tell  _ someone next time. I mean it Chanyeol. You need to think a little more. What if it had been dangerous?” 

“I know.” Chanyeol rocks them a little, and Baekhyun knows he’s only placating him, but he leaves it for next time. Unresolved.

For the rest of the night, Chanyeol keeps his arms around Baekhyun, who eventually falls asleep. He can feel himself drifting off, blinks steadily growing longer and head feeling heavy.

When Baekhyun wakes up, he’s in almost the same position as he was on the couch. It takes a few more moments to realise that they’re horizontal now, and in bed. 

Tiny beams of grey light seep in through the unavoidable gaps in the curtains. Dragging his hand from where it’s numb tucked under his body, Baekhyun hits the top of the alarm clock, illuminating 4:12am. A small groan. He doesn’t need to be awake for another two hours at least. Unfortunately, Baekhyun’s eyes refuse to close, though he knows he’s still a little tired. There’s nothing else to do but get up.

Feeling oddly sweaty and slightly too hot, Baekhyun carefully moves Chanyeol’s arm away and climbs out of bed. He needn’t worry about waking the other, they’ve been sharing a bed long enough to sleep through these small comings and goings. 

Baekhyun trudges to the living room and flops down on the sofa. He always feels so fragile in the early morning. 

Being more of an early bird than Chanyeol, Baekhyun is usually prepared to awaken by six or seven, although he still likes his sleep as much as the next. It doesn’t happen often, this early rising, even less so since he and Chanyeol began living together, but it happens. He’s probably still too anxious about the case and his husband’s impulse heroism.

Swallowing the pin prick of uneasy unknown, Baekhyun grabs the throw from the back of the couch and wraps himself in it, drawing his knees up, turning to watch the outside world. There is something about this pre-dawn hush. A couple of birds chirp, the flat is cold. Even under the blanket, Baekhyun shivers. The radiator clicks, but the world is otherwise silent. 

Time is fluid. The sun rises. Baekhyun hears shuffling from the bedroom and brings himself back to awareness, blinking the sting from his staring eyes. When he looks away from the window, the room is green and Baekhyun has to wait for his eyes to adjust to the darker view. 

Not wanting for Chanyeol to worry, Baekhyun picks himself up and goes for a glass of juice, noticing on the way that the heating has come on. He takes a deep inhale, a slow exhale, washes his glass, then starts his morning. 

‘Next time’ comes sooner than Baekhyun expects. Sitting in the wheelie chair Baekhyun feels glued to lately, he can’t help but look up at the sound of Chanyeol’s serious voice across the office. Still on edge so shortly after the last time his husband rushed off, Baekhyun listens in to the phone call.

“Okay. Yes. And what’s the address again? Hyoja-ro 9 gil. Okay. Thank you.” Chanyeol looks determined, and Baekhyun knows it can’t be a good sign. He catches his husband on the way out. Chanyeol is buzzing, always like this when he gets an idea.

“What did they say?” 

“Baek, I know who Kyungsoo has been in contact with, I’m sure of it!” 

Baekhyun tries not to let out all of Chanyeol’s steam, he really does.

“Are you  _ certain?  _ Who was that person on the phone? How do you know they’re reliable?” 

Chanyeol sighs, sounding a little frustrated, but Baekhyun can’t keep letting him run headlong into trouble, reliant on only his gut instincts, even if Chanyeol does have a knack for lucky guesses. 

“Baekhyun, we can’t be so careful all the time. The whole point of our jobs is to deal with danger for the peace of our citizens. If we don’t take the risk, who will?”

“No Chanyeol, the point of our jobs is to  _ think  _ about it logically, we have the most up to date information at our disposal, what use is all of that if we don’t even look at it?” Chanyeol frowns deeply, and Baekhyun knows he’s being ignored this time. 

“I need to go Baek. At least you know where I am this time.” And with that he strides out of the door, leaving Baekhyun in a foul mood and unable to continue his previous work. 

By the time two hours have passed Chanyeol returns to the station with a swelling bruise on his cheek and a rip in his trouser leg. He shoots a silencing look, which Baekhyun returns sternly. And that is that. 

Life continues as normal, or at least as normal as it can be while hunting down a serial killer. The longer the case drags on, the more strain is put on the team, and on Baekhyun and Chanyeol’s relationship. 

Families plead with them for justice, reporters gnaw at their time and their patience and another body is added to the count, making it seven.

Baekhyun pours over the documents on his desk, head in hands for a moment before back to scanning the pages meticulously, as though he hasn’t already done it ten times within the hour. 

Chanyeol stops by his desk after returning from an unpleasant but necessary visit to one of the victim’s families, placing a shop bought sandwich and a cream cake in front of his nose. It’s rare at work they have time to spend with each other, so Baekhyun is grateful for the gesture; it also tells him how anxious he must look. 

“That family was really odd. Really unwelcoming, and then the wife could barely look at either of us. She flinched away when we offered comfort.” 

Baekhyun’s eyes flick towards Sunwoo, the burly officer who accompanied Chanyeol. 

“Sunwoo can be a bit intimidating if you don’t know him. Plus she lost her husband Yeol, she’s gonna be grieving.” 

“Still, weird. Anyway, take a break, eat some lunch. Even just ten minutes, please?” Chanyeol pushes the food closer to Baekhyun. He looks up into Chanyeol’s concerned eyes and can’t say no. With a squeeze to the shoulder Chanyeol is gone.

Baekhyun really does try and make a special effort to clear time for Chanyeol in their busy schedule. He finds himself missing his partner, even with them coming back to the same house each evening. 

“No work, okay? I’m banning it. Plus we need to make the most of this weather; the sun hasn’t been out for so long I can feel myself wilting.” Chanyeol says, dramatically flopping backwards onto a now laughing Baekhyun, who catches him with relative ease.

“Alright alright! But hitting me in the face with your gangly limbs is the wrong way to convince me Honey.” 

“So when I die and fall into your passionate arms all you’ll say is ‘wake up and apologise for hitting me’?! I’m horrified Byun Baekhyun!” Chanyeol continues on dramatically. Baekhyun barks a laugh at the ridiculous image. 

“Come on then you poor delicate flower, let’s get you some nutrients.” Teasing grin on his lips, Baekhyun stops Chanyeol’s ascent with an upside-down kiss, still holding him off the floor. 

“That works too.” Chanyeol breathes, eyes still closed. Suddenly Baekhyun grins, can practically see the anime glint in his eyes, and abruptly jumps away, letting Chanyeol thud to the floor. “Ouch you dick head. Why so violent? Get back here and be romantic again!” In the kitchen Baekhyun chuckles, packing up a hot flask of cocoa to the sound of Chanyeol’s continued demands. Plenty of time for kisses later.

The drive to Han Park is pleasant. They have the windows down, arms leaning on open sills, hair and clothes rippling in the speedy breeze. Baekhyun hums, smiling. In two months it will be their fifth wedding anniversary. 

Despite their wedding not able to be legally sealed, Baekhyun and Chanyeol still held a small ceremony with their close family and friends. It was a beautiful day in spite of the light drizzle and not a dry eye in the house, not only because of the rain. The wedding was emotional for everyone; Baekhyun still finds himself dizzy just thinking back to how happy they both were. They had sealed their lives together with a honeymoon in Kenya, and returned to their Chief of Police lecturing them about how lucky they were that he had sent his two best officers away at the same time. 

Following the happy memories, Baekhyun’s thoughts turn back to the case.  What if they still haven’t caught Kyungsoo before their anniversary comes around? Chanyeol’s birthday is also around that time. Baekhyun knows that the thought will plague him, and he doesn’t want to do that to Chanyeol when he should be giving his husband his most full and undivided attention. 

Baekhyun only realises they’ve arrived when he hears a shout and a laugh, pulling him out of his memories. A look out of the front window shows him a family playing rounders, another look to the right brings Chanyeol’s handsome face into focus. And he’s staring.

“What? Come on, let’s go.” Baekhyun breaks the quiet. Chanyeol only beams at him and grabs his face, planting a direct kiss, then another little one before opening the door and making his way around to the boot. Baekhyun follows. 

“You looked very busy. What were you thinking about?” Chanyeol’s voice muffles when he leans further into the car. The smile slips, but only slightly, from Baekhyun’s face.

“Just remembering our honeymoon. I’m worried that the case won’t close before your birthday.” 

Chanyeol hauls out their belongings, shutting the door and setting off down the small hill to the grassy area. Baekhyun notices his white knuckle grip on the bags, but decides not to pursue it.

“Can’t you put it out of your mind, for one day?” 

They walk down in strained silence, juxtaposed to the relaxing atmosphere of sun and the spring smell of freshly cut grass. 

“Oh right Baek, I forgot, my Mum invited us round for dinner this Sunday. I told her we would go.” Chanyeol smiles softly and reaches out his hand, making a clear effort not to let work spoil their day together. Baekhyun doesn’t argue. 

“Can’t wait.”

He’s been thinking about their anniversary a lot ever since their day at the park; mainly because he has the  _ perfect  _ present for Chanyeol. Baekhyun knows he needs to tone down his excitement, but why should he? They are lucky enough for most of the people closest to them to support he and Chanyeol fully in their old fashioned country (though they do keep their respective surnames to keep the peace around official things.), so if not at his own mother-in-law’s, where can he let loose?

“Are you two doing anything special for your wedding anniversary?” 

Chanyeol gasps, pulling a horrified face beside Baekhyun, who punches his husband in the arm.

“You forgot? Chanyeol- ugh you know what, I’m not even surprised.” Baekhyun rolls his eyes good naturedly. Yoora, Chanyeol’s sister, laughs from opposite and the man in question splutters.

“I was joking! How can you have so little faith in me Baek?” Baekhyun is so used to this pitiful tone that he doesn’t even bat an eyelid anymore. His mother-in-law however, leans forward, placing more meat into his and Chanyeol’s bowls.

“Stop whining. Come on now, I’m sure Baekhyun didn’t move in with you so he could babysit.” Chanyeol turns indignant. 

“Mum!” 

Laughter bubbles from Baekhyun’s mouth and he becomes chatty.

“We haven’t really spoken about it yet, obviously. I was thinking of just sending invitations for a small celebration at home.”

“It’ll be so nice to see you boys looking handsome in your hanboks again. We’ll be expecting an invitation then.” 

“It’s your fifth right? I guess…is that the wooden gifts anniversary? I’ll have to go shopping.” 

“You’re making it sound like a chore Yoora, how unusual.”

“Yah, Chanyeol I’m buying for  _ you _ , you shouldn’t be teasing me right now.” 

Baekhyun laughs lightly at the back and forth, happy he’s part of this family. Glad right now of a relief from the tension between he and Chanyeol in the recent week. 

They spend the rest of the evening with tea, chatting about the upcoming date amongst various other things. It’s one of those times where Baekhyun is so thankful for his life: cosy with half of his family; snuggled up to the love of his life; hot cup of tea in hand. He wants to wiggle down further into the plush cushions and never emerge, but, good things must always come to an end. 

“Woah it’s almost eleven. Come on Baek, let’s go home. Sorry Mum, I think we’ll be heading off.” 

Baekhyun pouts at Chanyeol’s outstretched arms with hands grabbing at air waiting for him to take them. He slurps at his tea somewhat defiantly. Baekhyun loves that Chanyeol knows how he goes soft in the evening. After a tiring day being a grown up and catching criminals, its therapeutic just letting go and allowing Chanyeol to take care of him sometimes. Plus, he knows his husband likes to spoil him every now and then. 

The short journey to their apartment is a quiet and sleepy one. Once they arrive back, Baekhyun making Chanyeol all but carry him in, neither man bothers with the lights and they head straight for the bedroom. Baekhyun lifts his arms into the air childishly for Chanyeol to undress him; the taller rolling his eyes in amusement and sending light kisses to his husband's jaw line and collar bones as he does so.

"Mm, I was thinking of going away somewhere." Baekhyun can feel the shiver tiptoe under his skin at Chanyeol's low hum. 

"Oh yeah? Without me?"

"Grr you little-" Baekhyun giggles when Chanyeol attacks his neck with a bit more vigour and steps out of his trousers, padding over and getting under the covers in his boxers. "Of course with you! Remember our honeymoon?" Baekhyun does. Hot air balloon rides over beautiful landscapes, a magnificent sunset as their backdrop and safari trips across Kenya. He doesn't ever think he'll have a more romantic trip.

"Can we afford to go on a holiday like that again? Not to be the one to ruin things but..." A cheeky grin flashes his way. 

"Why do you think I started selling stuff on eBay all of a sudden?" Baekhyun stills, then he remembers what Chanyeol is talking about.

"Wha-I though that was because I nagged you about your clutter!"

"Sure it was Baek, but it was a great way to put some money aside too." 

Baekhyun snuggles into Chanyeol the moment he climbs under the covers, snaking his arms around Chanyeol’s waist, drawing him in closer with hands on Chanyeol’s bum. 

"So you've been planning. I'm proud of you Chan. Where are we going?" Baekhyun muses, massaging the flesh of Chanyeol’s backside. He’s always heard great things about Paris.  _ The city of love~ _ Jeez, he’s turning into such a softie.

"I've been waiting so we can decide together, but...we've never been to Europe." Baekhyun widens his eyes in excitement at the coincidence, stopping his hands and bringing them up now to stroke at the curve of Chanyeol’s waist.

“Can we- hang on, how much exactly do you have saved up?" 

"Well, I mean don't break the bank Baek but enough to enjoy ourselves." Chanyeol rumbles a chuckle. Baekhyun’s excitement only grows – he can give Chanyeol his gift while they’re away too.

"I was gonna say, can we do a bit of backpacking around? We could spend two days each in a different capital city." 

A contented sigh escapes from Chanyeol's lips and he leans in to Baekhyun’s touch, replying,

"That sounds perfect. Book flights tomorrow?"

"I can't wait." 

Kissing Chanyeol is always a pleasure for Baekhyun. Tonight he moves slowly, tired. He can hear his own low noises, changing from happy to needy when Chanyeol draws back. 

"What do you want?" Is murmured into the skin of Baekhyun’s jaw, Chanyeol’s fingers already wandering. Baekhyun can feel slow circles being rubbed into his lower belly, making him keen. 

"Me this time, please." Baekhyun’s cock is already growing, his whole body sensitive to Chanyeol's touch in his relaxed and hazy state. There's no verbal reply, but Chanyeol kisses his way down Baekhyun's throat in apparent agreement. 

Chanyeol shifts over so that he's above Baekhyun and gently dips his lower body down, resting with enough pressure to push a groan out of both of them. Baekhyun gives in to the sensations, allowing his eyelids to droop shut and reaching his arms out to roam over the well discovered territory of Chanyeol's muscular back. 

Oddly enough, this is one of the parts of his husband that Baekhyun loves the most. They say a broad back is one you can depend upon, will carry your weight. Come to think of it, Chanyeol likes to kiss across Baekhyun’s wide shoulders too. Baekhyun loves to spread his long fingers across the span of it, pinkie to pinkie and thumbs spread wide. Then, he moves up to trace the ridges of Chanyeol's spine, detouring along various paths of muscle, rising and changing with each move Chanyeol makes while doing his own exploration of Baekhyun. 

“Ah.” There’s no control over these sounds as Baekhyun huffs short, shallow breaths. Chanyeol has set a small but effective rhythm, his rocking down becoming more and more pleasurable while he nuzzles into Baekhyun’s neck, leaving marks there under where Baekhyun’s collar would be.

“Chanyeol, lube.” This time there’s warning of a hum before Baekhyun is left feeling cold and light while Chanyeol goes to get what is needed. “Hurry, I’m so comfy I could fall asleep.” When the warm weight is back, it’s Chanyeol’s smug grin that Baekhyun is met with.

“Ooh, sexy. You know how to make a man feel special.” Baekhyun breathes a laugh at Chanyeol’s sarcasm, settling for lifting his head up and lightly butting his partner’s nose. 

Chanyeol’s answering chuckle turns into a groan when Baekhyun drops his hands and gives Chanyeol’s bum a hard squeeze, bringing their crotches together. Baekhyun is too exhausted to do much moving, so he selfishly settles for making Chanyeol do all the work. He’ll spoil his lover next time.

Chanyeol had rid himself of his underwear while he was up, and now he sets to work on getting Baekhyun’s off too. During another long kiss, Baekhyun captures his husband’s tongue to suck on, happy to hear Chanyeol enjoying himself too.

Upon breaking apart, Chanyeol disappears underneath the covers, sliding down Baekhyun’s body, making sure to drag along every part of him deliciously on the way. Baekhyun lays his head back and massages Chanyeol’s scalp, feeling his underwear being pulled down and off him. 

Chanyeol licks kittenishly at Baekhyun’s cock, it’s an almost ridiculous action but it feels so good that Baekhyun can’t possibly say anything. His tip is engulfed and suckled; certainly not long enough for Baekhyun, before Chanyeol’s sweaty and ruffled head pops back up again.

“Go back.” Baekhyun knows he’s whining, but he doesn’t think he can deal with Chanyeol just staring at him right now when he’s all worked up. There’s time for that when they’re done. “Or just- oh Jesus!” Chanyeol chooses that moment to trail his slicked up fingers around Baekhyun’s asshole and it’s  _ cold.  _

“Sorry Baek.” Chanyeol does look a bit sorry, but not enough; there’s a small quirk at the corner of his lips. Baekhyun feels less guilty about taking all the pleasure. 

It doesn’t take as much preparation as it used to; Baekhyun is at least thankful for that. Being comfortable around Chanyeol and completely relaxed anyway, the first finger goes in with relative ease. Baekhyun continues to trail his fingers across Chanyeol’s body, smoothing his thumbs over his lover’s nipples to elicit some kind of expression from the man above him. Chanyeol breathes heavily, turned on by Baekhyun’s pleasure in addition to his own. 

“Baek…fucking hell.” It’s one of the best feelings in the world for Baekhyun to see Chanyeol like this; he feels sexy, he feels loved and dear God, he loves his husband so much.

Used to the sensation, it doesn’t take long for Chanyeol to work three fingers into Baekhyun, finding his prostate now so he’s already got that jolt of pleasure by the time Chanyeol pushes in. 

They don’t talk much after that, but it’s not a problem. Baekhyun can’t get enough of Chanyeol’s lips, and it seems the feeling is mutual. There’s that pressure building up in Baekhyun, half of it pure emotion, love, and half telling him he’s on the precipice. 

“Chan…” it’s whispered into the wafer thin space between them, and Baekhyun knows that his husband understands. 

It’s not long before they both find their release, and way too tired to bother cleaning up, Chanyeol flops down half on Baekhyun and half on the mattress. Baekhyun curls one arm around Chanyeol’s waist protectively, feeling as though he could sink right through the bed and never get up. His limbs carry the weight of the world and not even an earthquake could make him move at this moment. 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol manage another few languid kisses before breathing is all they can hear, and then the silence of sleep drags them both under.

 

♫ ~ ♪ ~ ♫

 

  
"-no, I want that report now."

"-five times I tried to tell him. Five!"

"It just fell, I didn't see anything."

"-then told me his address and hung up. I-"

Baekhyun tries to focus on his work, but the clamour of the office impedes his concentration more than usual. He buries his head into the nest of his arms and stares hard into the dark. What does he already know?

_ Seven deaths. Three mutilated, three missing body parts, one visibly choked to death.  _

"-aw man, my coffee's gone cold."

"-over here!"

_ Hair different colours, various heights, think, think! _

"-saw. But nothing eve-"

"Where's that damn report?!"

_ Female and male victims, different areas of the city, all with families- _

"Hey Baek, is everything o-"

_ All with families...all with-oh! _

"OH!" Jongdae visibly startles when Baekhyun whips his head up, narrowing his eyes into the distance, brain still working. 

"Uhh, Baek?"

"Shh shh wait!" Baekhyun flaps his hand in Jongdae’s general direction. There had been daughters and sons in every instance. Angry, terrified,  _ way  _ too relieved to have lost a relative according to Chanyeol after his obligatory visits. Baekhyun could hit himself for taking so long to figure this out. It says right here in Kyungsoo's file that he had a  _ childhood trauma _ . Abuse. He had dropped out of school because of it, most likely his parents wanting to keep their secret. Baekhyun can’t imagine that any child would willingly cut their own connection to their biggest chance of escaping an abusive home. Four of the seven deceased have recorded accounts of paedophilia and child abuse, the other three were suspected. 

Breathless, Baekhyun utters out,

"I think I've found a link." He watches his partner's eyes widen, both staring at each other in sheer anticipation.

"You...are you sure?" a slight nod. "Baekhyun, you’re a genius! Get in there and tell the boss!" Baekhyun stumbles from his chair and finds himself knocking on the main office’s door. 

“Come in.” Can be heard from inside. Baekhyun collects himself before entering. 

The Deputy Chief Inspector is sitting up to his desk, casually writing something and surrounded by documents. He puts down his pen, steepling his fingers as Baekhyun closes the door behind him. 

“What can I do for you Byun?” Baekhyun, lightly shaking only due to pure disbelief, perhaps the lack of lunch, fights for composture. 

“I believe I’ve found a crucial motivation for the killings Sir.” It comes out a little rushed, but luckily understood. 

Kim Young-woon, Baekhyun remembers, was very enthusiastic in persuading him to accept the job back when he first applied eight or so years ago. Baekhyun had come from a reputable training academy to begin with, and knew he was one of the most pragmatic – had been told so on numerous occasions. His current Department Head is professional and does not show favourites; that said, Baekhyun knows this doesn’t mean he does not  _ have  _ them. 

“Have you now?” There’s a gleam in Mr Kim’s eyes, sending a tingle of pride through Baekhyun. He finds his next words with ease.

“If you look at page two of Kyungsoo’s file you’ll see…here, his family predicament – bullied by his father until he could leave home after Mr Do passed away. His mother abused him sexually, but she passed on earlier, when Kyungsoo was just thirteen.” Baekhyun, now at the desk, points upside down to the relevant information. Mr Kim’s expression is grim, but his eyes are alight in instant understanding.

“I see. You’ve a jolly good eye Byun.” Baekhyun internally preens at the compliment. It’s a nice change to finally feel good at his job after months stuck on nothing. He thrives on this.

“So he’s getting revenge on his parents, only, thinking he’s doing some sort of justice, over and over again with these killings. We can find examples in all of the victims. There are a couple of records to follow up but the proof is more or less right in front of our eyes.” 

“If you give me a list of the persons involved I’ll send you their records to compare, but now our main priority is locating the bugger. Good job Baekhyun.” 

Knowing he’s been dismissed, Baekhyun leaves the room to big chatter from the office. Jongdae must’ve already got the news around. Baekhyun can’t stop the big beam from spreading across his face as he sits back down at his computer and returns to work with more vigour than he’s had in weeks. For the first time since this case began, Baekhyun finally finds himself holding a bit of hope that Kyungsoo's nightmare reign might be nearing its end. 

There are a couple more weeks of productivity. Baekhyun and Chanyeol are both tightly wound, arriving home in the evenings tired and even busier now they have something solid to work with. Still, they try and make time for each other, not wanting to let something like this come between them. Baekhyun has been noticing the take-out containers piling up, neither he nor Chanyeol finding the effort to cook for themselves every night or even go food shopping on a weekly basis. 

“Baekhyun~" Chanyeol squirms in his place when he feels Baekhyun's long fingers probing around his mid-section, pushing at his podge.

"My hubby's getting chubby." Baekhyun has on his slyest grin as he digs his fingers into the soft skin around Chanyeol's waist. His hands slip underneath the hem of Chanyeol's favourite, most well worn hoodie to hold onto the taller man's hips properly.

"Stop squeezing my fat." Baekhyun laughs and stretches his neck up to lean his chin on Chanyeol's shoulder. 

"You're not fat Chanyeol. We've just been eating way too much shitty food. Besides I like this..." Baekhyun bends down without warning, pulling the hoodie up and giving a toothless bite to the area. He gets the reaction he's after. Chanyeol squeals, jumping a foot in the air. 

"Baekhy-ah-hyun! Stop!" Baekhyun knows how ticklish Chanyeol is. He loves having these secret weapons against his lover. "Just you wait." Chanyeol playfully glares at him through his floppy fringe, the least threatening threat. "I'll feed you up, just you wait. Then it's my turn." Chanyeol points from himself to Baekhyun dramatically before turning back to the fridge. Baekhyun cackles.

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say.”

The next Friday, Baekhyun kisses Chanyeol goodbye at the office, needing to stay a short while longer to figure a few things out. Chanyeol isn’t overjoyed, but Baekhyun knows he understands that he can’t sway Baekhyun on this one. 

Jongdae also happens to be staying behind, so Baekhyun beckons him over and they work in companionable silence. After a while, Jongdae starts off a conversation. 

“We’ve really been on a roll lately.” Baekhyun is only half listening. “Well really Chanyeol’s been on a roll. It’s making the rest of us feel redundant.” Jongdae chuckles good naturedly. “Boss is a bit put out, but he can’t say anything because we’re actually getting somewhere with this case after so long.” 

Baekhyun hums. Lately, despite not being able to focus on anything but the case, he’s been specifically ignoring Chanyeol’s risky involvement in it. He’s sick of fighting, sick of feeling worried. Chanyeol proves himself to be capable ninety percent of the time, so Baekhyun wants to stop being grumpy, stop giving Chanyeol reason to be grumpy back. 

Still distracted by work, by the time he gets home it’s already past eight. Baekhyun thinks guiltily that Chanyeol left closer to six. 

There’s a delicious smell wafting from the kitchen, a shadow appearing in the doorway before Baekhyun can even remove his boots.

“Welcome back.” Chanyeol greets. Baekhyun gives a weary smile, tripping into the house and accepting a hug.

“Mm, what did you make? Smells great.” 

Chanyeol looks proud of himself when he replies.

“Ddeok gook. It’s getting a bit cold, sorry. You’re a bit late.” 

Baekhyun feels bad, but he has no excuse. There’s no point explaining, it’s nothing Chanyeol doesn’t already know. 

“Yeah. Sorry.” 

They sit down opposite each other. Baekhyun is lost in thought, not quite realising it himself. He doesn’t feel the silence, the inside of his head already filled to the brim with noise.

Baekhyun absentmindedly grabs a pen from the pot by the wall, lazily reiterating the notes he went through earlier out from his mind and onto a square of tissue. 

“Baekhyun.” The stern call cuts through the hard block of thoughts. He looks up wondering why Chanyeol sounds so annoyed, then his stomach sinks. For the second time in one night, Baekhyun feels guilty. He turns sheepish.

“I’m sorry. What did you say?” 

“I said, didn’t I tell you I’d feed you up?” But Chanyeol sounds a little lacklustre now. Baekhyun chuckles slightly, knowing how forced it seems. Chanyeol sighs. “Baek, I made an effort to cook for us, the least you can do is talk to me.” Baekhyun casts his eyes down in shame. “You’re not even looking at me now! Baekhyun, you’ve been at the office for two hours doing god knows what, we have work hours for a reason. You need to talk to me, not hole yourself away.” 

Foreign feelings churning around in his stomach and oddly ruffled by Chanyeol’s words, Baekhyun snaps back his reply before he can stop to think about it.

“We can’t all be like you you know! You just keep to your way of coping and I’ll stick to mine.” 

For a moment, Chanyeol’s jaw hangs, eyes shining with hurt. Then with an audible clack, his mouth snaps shut.

“I’ll leave you to cope then.” Chanyeol scrapes back from the table, only halfway through his dinner and storms to the bedroom. 

It takes a while for Baekhyun to feel motivated enough to move. He wants to say that he didn’t mean it. In the end, he doesn’t. 

Eventually he covers the leftover food, cleans up, then follows Chanyeol in. He prepares for bed and wraps his arms around Chanyeol’s turned back to be big spoon, sending little kisses to his neck and the back of his ears in apology. When Baekhyun falls asleep, there is still no response from Chanyeol. 

It’s a lot sooner than both men anticipate when they get an urgent phone call the next day demanding him and Chanyeol down at the station,  _ “ASAP!” _

The Head of Department is out of his office as everyone on the case gathers round to listen to his briefing. 

“Right team. This is it. An hour or so ago we received word of Kyungsoo’s possible whereabouts. It’s not certain the source is reliable; it could be a set up to distract us or send us in the wrong direction. I want you guys to come up with a strategy, running it by me, and  _ you _ guys to be in two separate send out teams on standby, okay? As always, be vigilant…” He looks around at the tense, eager, nervous faces of his force. “And let’s bring this motherfucker down.” 

Baekhyun, part of the brain operations, is one of the apprehensive faces. They could finally be  _ this _ close to busting Kyungsoo and he isn’t one to lie to himself; the danger that this could put the team in - could put  _ Chanyeol _ in - worries him, but he can’t let that barge its way in now. Not while he’s already tender over he and Chanyeol’s unresolved argument last night. This is the risk they all know comes with working in the police force, he can't just start putting up objections at this point, so Baekhyun puts his head together with his group and  _ thinks.  _

The plan they come up with is this: there’s no denying it, Chanyeol is the best in his field. His group will be sent out to the location – a dead end motel not twenty five minutes from the station. Chanyeol will go first, taking his and Baekhyun’s own truck. The other five in that group will follow ten minutes after Chanyeol has arrived, keeping communication open on the off chance that something goes wrong within that time. Chanyeol, in full gear and armed, will sneak into the motel, locate Kyungsoo and keep tabs on him out of sight until backup arrives, at which point, if needed, the second team will be radioed. If the lead runs dry, they still have team number two ready for dispatch. Baekhyun’s group will also remain at the station on hand for information, security camera watch and back up plans. 

The feelings of each and every officer are palpable in the air of the station. Partly to escape them, Baekhyun trails behind Chanyeol through the corridor and into the small locker room as he leaves to get ready. For a few moments neither speaks as the others in their send out teams come and go. Baekhyun searches, until the room is empty once again, for the words he wants to say into the busy silence. 

"Be careful." It's not what he intends, but it works nonetheless. It's almost all Baekhyun can think about right now. He leans against a wall of lockers, watching Chanyeol busy himself kitting up. 

"I'll be fine." Chanyeol’s tone is clipped. He walks across the room to grab a holster belt, doing very little to soothe Baekhyun's concerns. Baekhyun pushes himself off the lockers and goes over. He forces Chanyeol to look at him; smoothing his hands down the front of his husband’s uniform. 

"Just be wary." There's a small pause. There must be something in Baekhyun’s face, because Chanyeol looks towards the door, which remains closed, and quickly leans down to kiss him, though it’s hard and lacks his usual warmth.

"Baekhyun, nothing will happen. It's like babysitting. I'll go in, watch him for a bit, then wait for backup to arrive. We’ll talk about things when we get home tonight. I’m still annoyed right now." Baekhyun nods in understanding. This particular argument didn’t only begin the night before. There’s a sour flavour on his tongue he can’t wait to get rid of. He slaps Chanyeol on the arm in camaraderie, but the mood is sombre as Chanyeol follows Baekhyun out of the room.

When they enter the main office, Chanyeol heads to his team to go over the logistics of the plan once more and left with some time, Baekhyun slumps at his desk, attracting the attention of his friend.

"Perk up Baek, this could go on all night depending." Jongdae appears from thin air like usual. Baekhyun feels like doing the exact opposite and going to sleep just to be contrary.

"No. Go away." Baekhyun hides in his arms, but his lips quirk up anyway. Jongdae must have caught it, because strong hands soon grip his shoulders and yank him up, and Baekhyun lets Jongdae do what he wants, going floppy in his friend's hold. Chanyeol is looking at him from across the room, and pointedly turns away when their meet eyes. Baekhyun’s smile fades.

Chanyeol leaves roughly fifteen minutes later to shouts of encouragement and as soon as he’s out of the building, Baekhyun gets to work. He manages to get hold of the stream from the motel security cameras efficiently while the rest of his team make calls, watch the motorway cameras for any clues and rifle through files. 

Soon enough, Baekhyun’s computer screen is full with blurry live footage. The front entrance of the motel, an industrial kitchen, the brown and uninviting looking lobby, the main hallway and two figures standing at one end of it. 

Baekhyun peers closer, eyes narrowing critically. Perfect, one of those men is definitely Kyungsoo; he can make out his form, his side profile. Now they just need to wait for Chanyeol to get there. The guy standing with Kyungsoo must be the motel manager. Baekhyun looks back towards the reception desk, finding it odd that there's nobody manning it. And then something occurs to him. Ice trickles down Baekhyun's spine as he looks back to where the two are standing. Kyungsoo’s face is nationally known, even just walking in there, the game would be over. That man-

“Baekhyun, over here quickly!” His colleague Sunwoo calls. He speeds out of his chair; leaving it spinning before his brain can catch up. Baekhyun rushes to the row of desks in front of his own. The ice has turned to fire, and this time he has to wipe a bead of sweat from his hairline. 

On screen, Sunwoo plays the video recorded twenty nine minutes ago and Baekhyun can see Jongdae crossing the room from the corner of his eye. Baekhyun watches in trepidation as the two from the corridor stride across the car park and shove open the front doors, the unknown man holding a gun out in front of him. The woman at reception shoots out of her chair, throwing her arms up. Kyungsoo manhandles her out from behind the desk while the other guy grabs a key. They bundle her into the closest room, the slam of the door seen but not heard. The eerie blankness left behind is disconcerting. 

Dread settles like heavy tar, thick in Baekhyun's stomach and at the back of his throat. There's no mistaking this. There’s an accomplice. He needs to let Chanyeol know,  _ now! _

Baekhyun yanks his walkie talkie from his belt and shouts into it, to no response. 

“ _ Shit!” _

“-aek? Is something wrong?” He ignores Jongdae’s watchful expression, turning on his heel and sprinting out of the office. There’s no time to lose. Clanging down the metal staircase and tearing across the car park, Baekhyun rips open the door to one of the patrol cars and speeds off. A look at the dashboard tells him it’s almost quarter to six. The sun is setting in front of him, making it difficult for Baekhyun to see were he’s going, Chanyeol has always been the better driver. 

Baekhyun is speeding way over sixty, thankful for the privileges his job brings on occasions like these, though his lights are off; he doesn’t want to alert Kyungsoo and his partner to the fact that they're onto them. 

The twenty minute journey takes ten, and soon enough Baekhyun is pulling over quietly onto a patch of grass just outside the small one storey motel. It’s not holiday season, so there are no other cars besides the ones belonging to the staff, and his and Chanyeol’s own Toyota Tacoma; they figured he would be way more obvious turning up at an empty car park in a police marked car. 

It’s only years of good training which makes Baekhyun check his belt for his gun. He does it without thinking and he’s glad it’s there, an extra measure of safety, because he didn’t have the time or thought to put on a bulletproof vest before he rushed out.

The night is silent as he creeps towards the motel. Baekhyun forces himself not to run; tries not to let the crunch of gravel give him away. His heart is pounding in his chest, silence ringing in his ears. The urgency to warn Chanyeol wars hard with the need for stealth and protocol. His terror over Chanyeol’s safety will not be helped by his running in and getting himself killed too. Nobody would thank him for that. He feels sorry toward his husband a thousand times over. Surely this is his punishment.

The building looms above him, not tall, but very imposing in the eerie dusk. Baekhyun dares not switch his torch on, so he creeps around the back of the building, thanking the stars when he finds the fire door open-able. As soon as Baekhyun is in, he props the door open with a fire extinguisher, hoping for an easy escape if there is to be one at all. 

Listening out returns nothing, so Baekhyun braces himself, drawing a deep breath, and then drawing his gun. He tightens his grip when he sees his hands shaking. White knuckled, Baekhyun runs through his options; it doesn’t take long, there aren’t many to sift through. Baekhyun decides to take things quickly. He’ll run in and hope he gets to Chanyeol before the two killers do, if they haven’t already. 

He can barely take two steps before his own personal hell breaks loose. Upon entering the open door into a side corridor of the motel, a thud, and a pained groan sound. At the end of the straight appears Kyungsoo, and then Chanyeol on his knees opposite, facing the killer.

Instinct takes over all rational thought and Baekhyun can’t even shout out a warning before he’s barrelling forwards. Kyungsoo spots Baekhyun before his husband does, lips quirking up, mocking. 

Skidding to a stop at the mouth of his corridor, Baekhyun stands at the T-junction, looking out into the main hall, first scowling at Kyungsoo on his left, before spotting something else sneaking forward out of the corner of his right eye, right behind where Chanyeol kneels on the floor, looking at Baekhyun with large and confused eyes. After all, Baekhyun isn’t supposed to be here.

Kyungsoo has no gun, but the man coming up behind Chanyeol does. Mind reeling in horror, Baekhyun steps out into the main hall, facing the accomplice and Chanyeol, trying to steady his hand. He winces, realising how bad this looks; a gun pointing too close to his husband’s head and his back to someone he shouldn’t be trusting. And  _ oh God,  _ Chanyeol doesn’t know there’s anybody behind him.

A trail of blood runs down Chanyeol’s temple, but Baekhyun’s heart bleeds more. He doesn’t go to Chanyeol. He can’t. He needs to finish this business before anyone else gets hurt. 

“Nice of you to join us officer.” It’s an unnerving situation, having a serial killer speaking so calmly at your back and not being able to see whether or not he’s about to stab a knife through your neck. Oddly, Baekhyun is barely worried for his own life, if only he can save Chanyeol’s. Not even the prospect of death will make him turn away from the hand holding the gun to his husband’s head. 

He narrows his eyes at Chanyeol, trying to be as expressive as possible. Baekhyun flicks his gaze upward and back again, pleading.  _ Come on!  _ Can’t he read the sign? Baekhyun answers Kyungsoo, eyes still locked with his lover. 

“Trust me, I wish I hadn’t been so late.” Baekhyun sounds calm, but inside he’s beating himself up for arriving so late, for allowing these two to reach his husband first. 

There’s a muted chuckle by his right ear. On another look up, Baekhyun stares straight into the taunting eyes of Kyungsoo’s silent partner.

“You’re not late at all; we were just getting to the good part.” Baekhyun has to work to process Kyungsoo’s remarks. Why is he speaking as though they’ve met before? Chanyeol is evidently hurt now, something fiery sharp licking to life behind his eyes. 

Kyungsoo brings his hand up into Baekhyun’s field of vision, gesturing to where Chanyeol kneels injured.

“I didn’t want to have to get the police involved like this, but I couldn’t just let myself be caught so easily. I don’t want to be locked up as much as the next man. Surely that’s comprehendible, no?” There’s a heavy silence. Kyungsoo  _ must  _ be able to see Chanyeol’s expression. The accomplice’s stoic face suddenly grows scheming and Baekhyun panics at the thought of what Kyungsoo might be doing out of his sight. 

Chanyeol’s eyes are fixed over Baekhyun’s shoulder; his eyes pop a fraction, before he becomes visibly angrier, so much so that the fists by his sides begin to tremble. Baekhyun watches him with a clamp tightening around his chest, as though those fists hold his heart. Really, Baekhyun thinks, they do.

Behind the anger is so much hurt and something dawns on him in complete horror. The look on Chanyeol’s face, this gaze he has seen directed time and time again, in case after case. Chanyeol is looking at Baekhyun like  _ he  _ is now the traitor, the criminal and  _ that _ is the icing on the cake. 

Baekhyun wants to scream. He can’t risk drawing back his weapon while there’s another gun truly aiming for Chanyeol’s head. Everything is too perfect, and _so_ unfair.

Now impatient, perhaps noticing Baekhyun’s distracted anguish, the accomplice takes action. The very moment Baekhyun sees movement, he fires with shaking hands. The first shot buries itself deep into Chanyeol’s left shoulder; the second hits its target. 

In a split second, the guy drops his gun and cries out, cradling his dripping hand to his chest. Chanyeol has slumped to the ground with a low groan, hitting his head off the wall on the way down in the narrow hall. 

Kyungsoo pushes Baekhyun forward and makes a dash for it down the side corridor Baekhyun had first come from. With a last glimpse of betrayed eyes haunting after him, Baekhyun chases. The fire extinguisher makes a racket when Kyungsoo launches it away and Baekhyun manages to escape before the door closes fully. They make it as far as the car park before sirens blare loud, almost deafening them both.

Baekhyun all but throws himself on top of Kyungsoo and being both broader and heavier than the slight serial killer they go down easily. 

It takes a moment of struggling to hold the man down before the alpha send out team are upon them, hauling both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo up and wasting no time tightening cuffs around the latter’s wrists, leading him away.

“Quickly, there’s another one, there’s someone else! Find him!” that desperate instruction is all Baekhyun can bark out before he’s skidding on the gravel in his haste to get back inside to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol is a uniformed lump on the ground, policemen soon bustle about, but all Baekhyun can see is the growing pool staining the carpet, all he can hear is the wheezing breaths and his own wounded cries for help as he takes panicked action. 

 

♫ ~ ♪ ~ ♫

 

Baekhyun spends a lot of time alone thinking while waiting for Chanyeol to come back from surgery, to wake up. It’s all he can do. He thinks about Kyungsoo. He thinks about his and Chanyeol’s past, their future. Most of all, he thinks about how painful it felt, not being able to go to Chanyeol, his accusing eyes, haunting, as the bullet sunk deep into his skin, watching him fall.

The lump under the crisp hospital duvet next to him keeps breathing. The bullet had punched straight through the soft tissue of Chanyeol’s shoulder and out the other side at such close range, the speed of it adding a small fracture to the list of issues, along with blood loss and a small lump on the side of his head. Chanyeol looks so still that Baekhyun reaches for his hand, a little desperately to make sure he’s still warm. He is.

Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Does time exist? Does it pass according to mood? Baekhyun has been dragged past the urge to cry again, eyes already red raw, mind scraped and bloody. What good would it do? He knows Chanyeol will wake up. He just doesn’t want those bottomless, accusing eyes to find his once more. Baekhyun has never felt remorse such as this. Did Chanyeol really look at him with those eyes? As though Baekhyun were a stranger? Worse that a stranger? No, right? Chanyeol would never, _could_ never view him in that way. Baekhyun must have misinterpreted it in the hectic rush. He _must_ have. Because if he lets himself believe that Chanyeol considers him a traitor, he doesn’t think he’ll be able to face himself or the world in the same way.

Convinced for another hour or so, all Baekhyun can do now is take comfort from he who has always been Baekhyun’s pillar of strength. He squeezes Chanyeol’s hand tighter, brushes the hair from his face, softly, softly, and kisses his knuckles, softly, softly, remembering a lullaby, once sung to him, now sung back.

It’s late, around 1.30am. Baekhyun dozes off. He knows this because the reason he comes to again is the nurse, replacing Chanyeol’s drip. Now the clock reads 8.53am.

“Is he okay? I mean, when will he wake up?” Baekhyun asks the nurse. He feels groggy and tired, uncomfortable in his dusty wrinkled uniform. His sleepy brain can only give him what’s at the forefront. The nurse smiles kindly at him.

“It will probably be another day before he wakes. He’ll be in and out though; drowsy from the anaesthetic and maybe a little nauseous. He could also be in shock. With the nature of your work, recovering from a wound like that will be tiring.” 

Baekhyun is slow to comprehend, but when it sinks in he nods wearily.

Baekhyun pulls his phone from where he feels it vibrating in his pocket, the red bar in the corner mocking him and seeing an abundance of texts and calls from the night previous. The latest is from his boss.

 

_ Come into the station when you can. _

_ Don’t push yourself. _

_ \- DCI Kim. _

 

Looking at Chanyeol’s face again, lax against the pillow, Baekhyun doesn’t want to leave. He wants to be right here next to his husband every time he opens his eyes, and every time he needs someone to hold his hand. But Baekhyun can also rationalise, which means it would be better for him to go and finish his business now before Chanyeol becomes aware enough to stay awake for longer than thirty seconds at a time. Even though Kyungsoo has been caught, there’s a lot of work to do, and Baekhyun has to testify and close this case.

Young woon ushers Baekhyun into his office, shutting the door behind them and walking around his desk to sit down. Baekhyun waits impatiently while he watches his boss rustle through the papers on his desk until he seems to find what he’s after.

“Now I know you’re eager to get back to the hospital, we’ve all been worried about Officer Park since yesterday evening. I’ll get straight to the point. The rest of the team have wrapped up the case for you and are handling most of the paperwork, all I need from you is a report of what happened before backup arrived. The trial is in a couple of months so don’t worry about that too much for now. The main reason I asked you here was because I’d like to offer you a promotion.”

For a moment, Baekhyun stands dumb at the abruptness. Immediately he opens his mouth to say yes, but stops. Does he really want this now? A couple of weeks ago Baekhyun would have leapt at this opportunity, but with Chanyeol in hospital and needing him around, a higher position would only come with more work and less time to spend for Chanyeol and himself. Is this what he wants right now? The idea Baekhyun has been trying to push away comes back. This will not look good on top of how Chanyeol might already see things, a promotion? It will look like everyone has played into Baekhyun’s hands this whole time.

DCI Kim seems to pick up on Baekhyun’s hesitation, because he continues, standing to attention.

“Officer Byun, your work with us over the last eight years has been outstanding. Despite the risk you put to yourself by rushing off yesterday, you showed bravery and a determination for your work and peers, even acknowledging the special relationship between you and Officer Park. Kyungsoo was caught, his accomplice unfortunately - or fortunately however you want to look at it - ended up killed, and the case has been closed. It is not without great consideration that I am offering this position to you.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say, so he remains silent.

“However, I understand the situation you are in right now, which is why I’d like to put this to you: take two months off. I will allow this time for you to recover mentally and help Officer Park regain full health. Spend some time away from the office; God knows you’ve all been living here for the duration of this case. In return, I expect you to take up the position of Detective Inspector when you return. Is that acceptable?”

“Sir…”

“I’ll take your answer as a yes for now. If you decide after these eight weeks that you strongly oppose, we’ll talk again. Dismissed.”

“Yessir.”

Baekhyun leaves the building in a dazed hurry to get back to the hospital, a shiny new star pinned onto his shoulder. 

Despite rushing back, Baekhyun ends up waiting another three hours before there's any sign of movement from the bed. He's been drifting in and out of consciousness on the hospital room's couch since he returned; having stayed awake all night too worried sick to sleep. The only thing allowing Baekhyun reprieve now is his sheer exhaustion.

It's after a nurse has finished her round that there comes a rustling, waking Baekhyun. His eyes shoot open; he almost gives himself whiplash due to the speed at which he lifts his head. Baekhyun winces at the crick his achy neck protests with, but he doesn't slow down. He lurches towards the bed like a man in the desert reaching for water and calls,

"Chanyeol! Chan, can you hear me?" Baekhyun’s first cry fades into desperately hopeful hushed pleas. Chanyeol's eyes flutter, Baekhyun can see movement beneath the closed lids. "Please, Chan, squeeze my hand if you can hear me, hmm? Just squeeze for me Chanyeollie."

Baekhyun forces himself to loosen his death grip on his husband’s left hand. He waits, and waits...and then feels a small pressure. Baekhyun releases a huge sigh of relief. He can't help the shaky, breathy laugh. But then Chanyeol squeezes harder…and harder, and keeps going until it becomes painful. Baekhyun yelps a little, tugging at his crushed hand, unsure, more than a little taken aback.

"How can you sit here and pretend to be worried about me?" The utter cold calm of Chanyeol's voice sets Baekhyun to stone. No. His heart sinks to the bottom of his stomach.  _ No. _

"W-what are you saying...?" The veins in Chanyeol's forearm protrude, his bicep pulling taut at the effort put into his choke hold on Baekhyun's hand. A small ink blot of red spreads from under the bandaged shoulder. Baekhyun’s eyes widen in horror. He can’t help but whimper again in real pain, Chanyeol finally relaxes his grip and yanks his hand away, as if he were the one being held hostage. His eyes don’t open once.  

Baekhyun just sits there for a moment, wondering if his lack of sleep is making him imagine things. He has never been religious, but now Baekhyun prays that his fears have not come true, knowing that they have. Baekhyun has never been the target of Chanyeol’s hostility in his life - even when they would bicker - never like this.

"Do you want me to call the nurse?" Baekhyun's hands flutter. He doesn't think he's ever fluttered in his life. This seems to be a whole new day of firsts. Nothing but silence comes from Chanyeol. Did he hear? "Cha-"

"I want you to leave." 

Baekhyun bites his tongue until all he can taste is copper. He’s still debating on whether to play this off, hope for a few more moments that everything is okay.

"I'll call the nurse." 

When the nurse arrives shortly after, Baekhyun has a couple of fingers in his mouth, biting them in nervousness.

"Is everything alright?" 

"I'm not sure." "No." Baekhyun and Chanyeol reply in unison. Both Baekhyun and the nurse turn to look at Chanyeol, who repeats his previous request.

"I want him to leave." 

The nurse furrows his brows and walks across the room. He does some of the usual checks, mutters about changing the wound’s dressing, then stands at the foot of the bed, glancing back and forth between both men.

"I'm sorry but, you’re his husband?" He questions.

Baekhyun replies, and a barely there scoff comes from the bed. The noise cuts deeply, a wound no doctor could heal. Chanyeol is asked a few questions, from which the nurse concludes that there is no concussion, or any lasting mental effects.

Chanyeol remains deadpan throughout the whole thing. He doesn't glance at Baekhyun once and the atmosphere is positively stony. Baekhyun deflates.

“I’m sorry Mr Byun, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“Why?!” The word cuts the hushed air. Baekhyun can hear the sudden panic in his own voice.

“I’m sorry,” At least the nurse actually does look sorry. “I can see you’re not doing anything wrong but my priority is the patient.” Baekhyun feels betrayed; by the nurse a little, but by Chanyeol a lot. Chanyeol must feel truly hurt if he’s not even giving Baekhyun a fair chance to explain.

Nodding in resignation, Baekhyun takes Chanyeol’s hand again, using force when he feels resistance. He leans closer for a little more privacy and hushes,

“Chanyeol. I’m sorry. Please, get better soon. I love you.” Baekhyun leaves a small kiss on Chanyeol’s temple, since his face is turned away, then reluctantly leaves, escorted out by the nurse’s sympathetic gaze.

Baekhyun spends the whole journey home warring with himself on whether to turn round or keep going. He makes it back in almost double the time it should due to his dithering and as soon as he’s in, Baekhyun throws his keys onto the coffee table. They skid across it and fall to the floor simultaneous to Baekhyun’s limp body hitting the couch.

He just lies there. Thoughts run through Baekhyun’s head of the past twenty four hours and whether the next set will be just as torturous. Probably. He feels his eyes closing and lets himself fall asleep, happy to get away from this nightmare for a while, his stomach rumbling its protest as he drops off.       

When Baekhyun wakes up again he groans. The time says 11.43pm. His sleep was mercifully black and without dreams, and Baekhyun would really rather stay that way. He wants to listen out for Chanyeol’s shuffling, but he doesn’t. He knows that it won’t be there.

Baekhyun smothers himself in the settee once more and shouts some frustration into it, before scrubbing his face with his hands and swinging his legs onto the floor. He rolls his shoulders on the way to the kitchen; there’s a kink in his neck which he doesn’t like the feel of and his lower back aches too, but it’s his own fault, and there’s nobody here to complain to.

Casting his mind back, Baekhyun tries to remember when they said Chanyeol could come home. They gave him a day to wake up fully, so perhaps another week? The shoulder is no safe place to have a bullet put through and Chanyeol is exceedingly lucky that it managed to pass where it did without hitting any of the serious arteries in there, which would have lost him a lot of blood, or paralysed him in the best case scenarios. Baekhyun feels bad enough that he’s the one who gave Chanyeol the injury in the first place. He wants to smash that gun to smithereens.

Taking some painkillers, Baekhyun gulps them down with a glass of water. He doesn’t feel thirsty; though he knows he hasn’t eaten properly in the last twenty four hours and must be very dehydrated. He forces down the rest of the water and heads back to the bedroom, plugging in his phone, throwing his uniform off and shivering into bed with his dressing gown wrapped around him. Baekhyun cannot bear the cold at the best of times and right now in Chanyeol’s absence with nobody to cuddle up to, their house has never felt more so.

He scrolls through the texts illuminated on his lock screen, friends and family asking if he’s okay, if Chanyeol is okay. It makes Baekhyun feel worse, so he turns the phone off and pulls the duvet over his head, breathing in Chanyeol’s smell from the sheets, trying to dive under the line of consciousness once more.

When he wakes for the second time since he arrived home, no amount of trying will allow Baekhyun back to sleep, so he grudgingly shoves the covers away and heaves in deep breaths of fresh air. Due to his whole head being submerged under the covers all night he’s sweaty and hot, and when he reaches up to feel his cheeks, he discovers that he has been crying.

Baekhyun heads to the bathroom for a shower, shivering now due to the change in temperature. The hot water does some good for his body, but not a lot for his mind. Baekhyun grabs himself some food, dresses in one of Chanyeol’s old shirts and some comfortable worn in jeans and grabs his keys, moving to the door and just…standing there.

Where is he about to go? Chanyeol doesn’t want him at the hospital and Baekhyun doesn’t really want to have to explain the whole situation to his parents, doesn’t want their comfort which he knows is well meaning but won’t really help.

Baekhyun has always been the suffer in silence type and he reverts back to this now Chanyeol isn’t here, dejectedly putting his keys back on the hook behind the door and allowing himself to feel well and truly lost.

Three days pass by in a hazy blur, partly thanks to the tears shed, but mostly because Baekhyun doesn’t care enough to keep any kind of routine other than living under the negative emotions swirling overhead like stubborn storm clouds. Having had time to complete his write up for the DCI and many more spare to be with his own wretched thoughts, Baekhyun has half convinced himself again that Chanyeol would never believe this badly of him. He’s in denial and knows it. Reliving the incident through his paperwork only gives his poor bloody heart more bruises, and Baekhyun is beginning to tuck in on himself, self preservation instinct on high.

Either way, he decides he needs to force his way back in to see his husband. Chanyeol has been hospitalised for over half a week now and Baekhyun hasn’t even been fighting to stay by his side. What does that say about him? Baekhyun thinks he probably deserves to be accused, what with the way he’s behaving. Chanyeol will only doubt him more if he’s locking himself away. He’s really not doing himself any favours.

Now on the verge of angry with himself, Baekhyun slams the front door behind him and powers towards their car. He’s in Chanyeol’s clothes again and he hasn’t shaved since before the incident, not caring whether he looks haggard or not. He hasn’t even been out of the house to buy groceries.

First stop is the station. Baekhyun can feel the eyes on him as he makes his way through to the main office, discretely scanning the room for Jongdae but seeing his friend nowhere. Downcast again, Baekhyun tries to escape any attention and hurriedly hands in his report so he can go. He knows there’ll be talk. At this point, he doesn’t care.

Finally pulling up in the hospital car park and heading through the front doors, Baekhyun doesn’t stop at reception. He knows where Chanyeol’s room is and if his husband is still mad, Baekhyun doesn’t want anyone to stop him from visiting.

Reaching the top of the stairs Baekhyun strides forward and pushes the door open with purpose, apology on the tip of his tongue. He fantasises about Chanyeol’s lovely face turning to him, breaking out into that huge smile for him. Beckoning him over with open arms. 

The fantasy is broken when he sees that the person in the bed is not Chanyeol. Baekhyun schools his gobsmacked expression impressively, bowing and throwing a quick apology before turning and rushing back down the corridor in shame.

Once far enough away from the room, he finds a chair and sinks into it. Baekhyun waits out the wave of embarrassment until the predominant feeling is - familiarly now - panic tingling across his skin. Where is Chanyeol? Baekhyun will have to have stern words with the nurses if they're the ones who have discharged him this early. Baekhyun isn't a doctor, but he knows without looking that Chanyeol's injuries will need more time to heal. There are only two other possibilities. Firstly, Chanyeol has been moved to a different room which worries Baekhyun more, doesn’t that usually mean the patient has relapsed? Or secondly, he has discharged himself.

Baekhyun thinks about his husband, giant and soft, gentle and understanding, but also insistently independent. Baekhyun is well aware, now more than ever before, that Chanyeol likes to make his own judgements. If Baekhyun goes home now and Chanyeol isn't there, stubbornly ignoring his wounds, he thinks he'll probably burst something.

The whole way back, Baekhyun is alert. Now, his heart beats quickly in the empty doorway. He scans his eyes over what he can see of the apartment from the threshold but it's all bare. 

Disappointment knocks the air out of Baekhyun. Additional to his distress, it’s been three days since he has seen Chanyeol, and he misses him tremendously. They aren't glued at the hip, but living and working in the same space means that Baekhyun is very accustomed to Chanyeol's constant and loud presence. Without him, Baekhyun is half of a whole.

He is about to turn and rush back to the car - maybe he can try his mother in law’s place? - when their bedroom door opens and Chanyeol steps out. Beneath the initial leap of Baekhyun's heart, he recognizes the heartbroken look on his husband’s face, almost as if he came home expecting Baekhyun to be here, and found nothing. 

For a moment they're frozen, just looking at each other, but very quickly Chanyeol turns guarded, and he keeps an eye on Baekhyun as he goes into the kitchen. Baekhyun stands dumbly in the entry way for another few moments before hurriedly unlacing his boots and following suit, stumbling in his haste.

The aura coming from Chanyeol is chilling. It’s immediately apparent that this is not Baekhyun’s Chanyeol, and Baekhyun is knocked back by it as soon as he steps into the room. Chanyeol is fully set in his belief. Baekhyun is the bad guy. Chanyeol is living with the enemy.

Somehow, all Baekhyun can say is,

"Chanyeol...you should still be in hospital." Baekhyun is left hanging for a while. Chanyeol is clearly reluctant to speak to him, but Baekhyun won't give up. If his husband can be stubborn, so can he.

"I'm fine." Comes the grunted reply.

"But the-"

"I  _ said _ , I'm fine. Alright?" 

Baekhyun watches Chanyeol reach up to one of the overhead cupboards with the wrong arm, growling out in pain. Baekhyun winces.

"You're clearly not okay." 

"Baekhyun-" Chanyeol whirls round and glares.

"I’ve been absolutely worried sick about you, don’t you dare shrug me off! Your shoulder isn’t okay Chanyeol! At least let me help you get stuff down from there.”

"You-” Chanyeol jabs a finger at Baekhyun from across the room. He feels it with all the force it was intended with. “-cannot help me with anything. I already know what kind of  _ help  _ you’re capable of giving, and I won’t fall into believing it again.”

“Look, I know you think I shot at you on purpose, you think that I set all this up, you think I betrayed you, but why,  _ why  _ would I do that?!” 

Chanyeol looks torn and confused, though there’s a fierce anger which seems to dominate the growth of anything else. He seems to start to say something, but decides against it and storms out of the room, slamming another door shut somewhere further into the house.

Baekhyun is speechless. It's like his guts have been scooped out and thrown away somewhere. He feels his betrayal to full effect and he’s not even guilty of it. Receiving Chanyeol’s backlash like this is a bitter pill; he had felt bad enough before. His bullet could have completely missed Chanyeol and he’d still have done his job. It's definitely not a situation that saying  _ 'I'm sorry, it was an accident' _ can make right. The damage has clearly been done, in more ways than one.

A walk out into the hallway shows that Chanyeol has retreated to the spare room. It’s such a simple thing, but the realisation that they won’t be sleeping together for the time being hits Baekhyun harder than something so trivial should. Another blow.

His next two hours are spent sitting on the hard floor outside the spare room. Baekhyun’s tailbone numbed a long while ago, but he doesn’t move. No sound escapes from behind the door. There is no shuffling, no shouting, no crying.         

When Baekhyun makes to stand up again, it’s because his phone is ringing and he’s left it in the kitchen. His backside hurts when he raises himself off the floor, and he has pins and needles, so he hobbles through the house and sinks into a kitchen chair as he answers the call.

_ “Baekhyun? Oh, why haven’t you been picking up your phone? We’ve been worried out of our minds wondering if something has happened.”  _

Baekhyun draws the phone away from his ear slightly, his mother’s loud fussing far too much paired with the buzzy quality it holds over the line.

“Sorry Mum. I’ve just been…really busy.” The half-heartedness is evident in Baekhyun’s tone, but his mother seems to take it as exhaustion. Baekhyun supposes she’s half right.

_“Oh Baekhyun, you must be so tired. I saw on the news how they’ve captured that killer. I’m proud of you honey, but how is our Chanyeol? Is he listening to his doctors?”_ A fraction of hesitation is all Baekhyun needs to decide that his mother really does not need to know that the answer to that question is negative. Let her believe that Chanyeol’s injury is all that’s wrong.

“Yeah. Yeah, he’s doing alright.”

_“I must pay a visit, that’ll cheer him up, don’t you think?”_

Baekhyun panics.

“Ah, no, Mum. He- he said that he doesn’t want visitors. Um, he doesn’t want you to feel upset seeing him like that.” 

Baekhyun’s mother clucks her tongue on the other end of the line.

_“Ah that proud boy, what a silly thing to think. Alright, I’ll wait until he comes home then. Would you say another week? You tell him to get better quickly for me Baekhyunnie.”_

“Yeah. I’ll ring you and let you know. Um, Mum? I have to go. Talk to you soon okay?”

_“Of course, take care okay? Look after yourself too. Love you.”_

“Yeah, okay, bye.” 

He heaves a big guilty sigh and stares out of the window. He loves his parents, but Baekhyun thinks that this is something they don’t need to know. This is their problem to work out, just him and Chanyeol. Hopefully it will happen soon, if he feels any more wretched, he might just lose himself.

That evening, they have another big fight, and Baekhyun is presented with an even sharper focus on the extent of Chanyeol’s resentment.

He is sitting on the sofa, trying to read his book. Baekhyun has realised, since having no work to go to and no Chanyeol to hang out with, that he needs more hobbies. Would his life really be this empty without Chanyeol? Between the two of them, they have a small bookshelf, and Baekhyun likes to read a little before sleeping sometimes.

Now though, he feels as though he has read and re-read the same sentence about fifteen times, yet still without understanding. He’s ruffling his hair in agitation when Chanyeol finally comes out of the spare room. He only crosses the hall to the bathroom but Baekhyun’s awareness goes on high alert.

Coming to terms with the reality that his book isn’t going to get read tonight, Baekhyun finally puts it down on the coffee table and stands. It seems the kitchen is becoming somewhere he only goes now to wait it out for Chanyeol, Baekhyun knows he has to come in here at some point. Besides, a stomach growl tells him it’s time for dinner anyway.

Around twenty minutes later, Baekhyun wipes his forehead. He’s proud of himself. After deciding to cook a bokkeumbap recipe Chanyeol once taught him to make for the both of them in hopes to win Chanyeol over slightly, Baekhyun stirs his creation in slightly higher and hopeful spirits. Somehow though, he feels more like a kid’s TV show presenter with a plastic grin.

Chanyeol comes into the kitchen as Baekhyun is dishing up. He grabs some water out of the fridge and places himself on a chair, ignoring the peacekeeping smile Baekhyun offers up. Baekhyun tries not to let that deter him. What was it that his brother had once told him while he was in police training? Life is just a path of efforts.

Chanyeol is wearing one of his ginormous hoodies. Baekhyun always thinks they make him look small and soft. Today though, Chanyeol is guarded and suspicious, and it changes his whole demeanour. He’s hiding his wound, and Baekhyun worries.

“I cooked for us, bokkeumbap, see? I finally got better.” The words meet a bad reception, sound stiff and awkward in the silence, but Baekhyun doesn’t allow himself to be dragged into it. He takes their plates and places the first in front of Chanyeol, then sits down with his own opposite.

Baekhyun takes one bite, and then another, and realises that Chanyeol isn’t eating with him.

“Are you not hungry?” He probes. No reply. Baekhyun hasn’t seen Chanyeol eat today. Something suddenly kicks Baekhyun in the chest and he has to put down his chopsticks. This is almost an exact mirror of the time Chanyeol cooked for him and  _ God _ , was it really just a few days ago?

“Chanyeol, please just-?” The interruption of the chair scraping along the mock slate floor hurts Baekhyun’s ears as Chanyeol stands abruptly and indifferently, heading to the fridge and taking out some pizza Baekhyun had left from the night before. He doesn’t even take it to his room. Chanyeol sits right back down in the same chair as before and defiantly pushes Baekhyun’s food aside.

Baekhyun is speechless and utterly betrayed by the fact that it’s  _ his _ cooking Chanyeol won’t eat. Chanyeol doesn’t look up once; he gets on with his own business, as though Baekhyun isn’t there at all.

Extremely insulted and sick of this avoidance, this is the first time Baekhyun lets himself be truly angry. He pushes his plate away from him, but accidentally uses too much force and it flies off the end of the table and smashes to the floor.

Baekhyun flinches, doesn’t see Chanyeol do the same. A few shards bounce up from the floor; Baekhyun feels them hit his ankle. There’s food and pot everywhere and Baekhyun stares at Chanyeol, who is regarding him with caution, as though Baekhyun is some kind of wild animal.

“Why? Why are you being like this? We’ve been married for  _ five years  _ Chanyeol! Surely that must mean something more to you than this  _ thing _ you've already made up your mind about without me!” Baekhyun’s chest heaves with unadulterated emotion. He clenches his fists under the table, trying to rein it in. Baekhyun isn’t a hot headed person; this recent up and down of emotion is messing with his head.

“You, are  _ not,  _ my husband." The words are low and dangerous, said through clenched teeth. The first knock of the stake drives forward into Baekhyun's heart.

“I know what it looked like but Yeol, you have it all wrong! I wasn’t trying to shoot you-”

“The man I’ve been married to for five years would not have pointed a gun at my head.” 

Baekhyun cries inside at Chanyeol’s stubbornness. They’re both up now, out of their seats, the table between them. 

“Kyungsoo had an accomplice! He was standing right behind you; didn’t you know he was there?” Baekhyun hears the pleading note in his voice. Chanyeol’s eyes narrow. Baekhyun starts to panic over whether he can actually convince Chanyeol. “Chanyeol, couldn’t you see how Kyungsoo was playing us? Of course I wasn’t- why would I be part of that?” 

There is wariness and anguish behind Chanyeol’s eyes and when Baekhyun takes a step forward, Chanyeol takes one back. It suddenly occurs to Baekhyun that Chanyeol is scared of him.  _ Whack,  _ the stake drives in.

“I don’t know Baekhyun, you tell me.” Baekhyun begins to feel distressed. Chanyeol continues. “I saw your uniform earlier. You’ve been promoted, congratulations, I take it the boss doesn’t realise you’ve been lying to him either. At least I’m not the only one being played for a fool.” 

No longer able to stop, Baekhyun can feel a tear roll down his face. He angrily slaps it away. There’s nothing he can do. He’s already been decided as the criminal. Chanyeol is already making his case. 

“Stop it, just stop this! I was trying to protect you. I didn’t know Kyungsoo wasn’t alone until after you’d left.” 

Chanyeol ignores Baekhyun’s words, merciless.

“Why were you sitting outside my door earlier? I heard your phone call. You’re even lying to your mother now?” 

Baekhyun is speechless. He gapes, feeling like a fish.

“No, Chanyeol-!” Chanyeol backs up as Baekhyun moves, holding both hands out in front of him. 

“Stop right there! Don’t come near me.” And with that, Chanyeol escapes back into the spare room. Baekhyun is left immobilised, and utterly defeated.

Waking up the next day to an empty bed, remembering what had transpired yesterday, Baekhyun doesn’t think he has ever felt so inconsolable in his life. He flings an arm over his eyes when he feels the moisture pooling there, doesn’t make any move to get up until it’s gone. 

Fifteen minutes later Baekhyun is smoothing out the sheets, meticulously choosing which clothes to wear, picking up that bit of thread from the carpet. No sound comes from behind the door. He orders some of the spray bottles on their vanity.

Mentally telling himself off, Baekhyun huffs a frustrated sigh and opens his bedroom door, ruffling his hair harshly with the other hand; it sticks up in tufts when he doesn’t style it, but that’s the least of his worries right now. He shouldn’t feel like this in his own house.

The kitchen is empty. Empty, but sparkling clean, no traces of smashed plates and food left behind. Baekhyun stands dumbly in the archway for a good while, turning blank. This has been happening a worrying lot since Chanyeol…since the incident. Baekhyun doesn’t think it should be healthy for anyone to lose themselves for minutes at a time, carried away by their thoughts like a boat in a storm, rocked and tossed and thrown off balance. Trying too hard to shrug these images away, he heads for the cupboards and flicks the kettle switch.

By the time Chanyeol walks in, Baekhyun is three quarters of the way through his drink. The taller man stands in the entrance as Baekhyun had done before, a mistrusting look on his face. The contrast is stark. Baekhyun averts his eyes. Chanyeol acts as though Baekhyun doesn’t exist. He takes some water from the fridge then leaves instantly. Hurriedly.

It’s the little things like this which make Baekhyun feel so small. Every time Chanyeol leaves the house, Baekhyun is so scared that he won’t return, so relieved when he does.    

Soon enough, Chanyeol’s birthday and their anniversary comes round. Their flight tickets are for tomorrow, and Baekhyun looks at them now with sorrow. Without a doubt, they’re not getting on that plane.

Baekhyun runs a hand through his hair and some of it floats to the couch and onto his lap. He thinks nothing of it. He must just be a bit stressed. A soon as that thought crosses his mind he snorts to himself. A bit stressed? Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s ever been in this much turmoil for such an extended period of time.

He remembers his gift for Chanyeol which currently hides under a corner of the spare room mattress. Eternity rings. While Chanyeol was selling stuff on EBay, Baekhyun was doing his own saving. He didn’t get anything engraved, just simple rings; a thin white gold band with two tiny gem stones embedded into the top, their birthstones, turquoise and emerald.

Baekhyun debates over whether he’ll give them to Chanyeol tomorrow. Of course he wants to, but their symbolism is on rocky ground at the moment, perhaps it would be too inappropriate. Baekhyun doesn’t even know- he chokes at the thought. He doesn’t even know if Chanyeol will want to stay together. So far there have been almost no hints to show that Chanyeol will ever forgive him, that he even still loves him anymore.

Baekhyun is broken out of these dismal thoughts by a sudden gasp. He whirls around to see Chanyeol’s shocked face behind him, closer than expected hovering over the back of the sofa. Chanyeol is just staring, and Baekhyun becomes worried. There must be something wrong if Chanyeol is even taking the time to stop and look at him at all. What does he want? Baekhyun suddenly becomes self conscious.

“What?” He voices out unsure. Chanyeol only reaches out his hand and turns Baekhyun’s head forward again, so that the back of his head is to Chanyeol. “Chanyeol, what are you doing?” He feels Chanyeol’s fingers softly just a little further up from his hairline. Baekhyun, always having had a sensitive neck, hunches his shoulders instinctively.

“You’re losing hair.” If Chanyeol had murmured any more softly Baekhyun would have missed it. As it is, he whips around to make sure that Chanyeol isn’t just pulling some cruel prank on him. He gapes. Chanyeol, for the first time since the incident, has some kind of compassion on his face, or pity. Baekhyun scrabbles to bring his hand up, suddenly distressed when he feels the small balding spot at the back of his head.

“No. No no no.” The words come out without thought. Could his life get any worse? Baekhyun doesn’t want to blame Chanyeol, but he knows this must have happened due to his stress and misery. Chanyeol knows it too, if the guilt on his face is any indication. 

Baekhyun doesn’t want to be looked at right now so he gets up, sidesteps Chanyeol - who stands as a statue - and retreats to their bedroom and collapses onto the bed. He’s absolutely terrified of having a shower, or touching his head at all in case any more hair falls out.

The duvet grows dark with salty spots as Baekhyun’s tears fall. He angrily swipes them away from his eyes and where they tickle the end of his nose and chin, but they only return so he gives up and covers his face while he weeps. If Chanyeol can hear him, there’s nothing to show for it.

The house remains silent but for Baekhyun’s pathetic form.  He wants to stand up and smash something, so he won’t feel broken alone. He lifts his arm to thump against the bed but stops himself, just looking at his clenched and shaking fist, raised in a half hearted gesture. He wants to scream and shout and rip himself apart, but all Baekhyun does is slump back down. He draws his knees up and rocks himself a little.

Baekhyun catches a glimpse of movement in the shadows from the crack under the door.  _ Chanyeol?  _ His mind and heart chorus his hope. The light from the hallway is blocked out, and doesn’t return until the clock reads past midnight.

Baekhyun is sick of crying. He’s sick of feeling wretched and he’s sick of wanting to just disappear. He wants his life back, his old life where Chanyeol still loved him and _trusted_ him and didn’t look at him through wary eyes. 

He had wanted to allow himself to cry in front of the other man, his  _ husband _ , the one man he should be able to cry in front of. He wants to let himself go and Chanyeol to break from his façade to pull him to his chest and shush him. To rock him and tell him that everything is going to be okay and if nothing else, to assure him that Chanyeol will recover his trust and Baekhyun isn’t simply hanging onto the precipice with no certainty that Chanyeol will arrive to haul him back up again, back from the edge. He wants to reach out, but Chanyeol is not there for him to reach out to.

It has become a chore to rise up out of bed. As Chanyeol shuffles about the house, the roles have reversed and this time, it’s Chanyeol repairing his life, healing his wounds while Baekhyun slowly watches his own slip through his fingers like dry sand.

Chanyeol must realise he’s in here¸ and yet he doesn’t come in, doesn’t even push the curtains back and gruffly tell Baekhyun to pull himself together. He doesn’t even care, and that’s what hurts Baekhyun the most.

Oddly enough, after Chanyeol had found him on the sofa, Baekhyun starts noticing things. Chanyeol hovers. He sits in the living room instead of cooping himself up in the spare room where Baekhyun can never see him. Chanyeol still doesn’t speak, and Baekhyun can still feel that he’s wary of him. This recent lingering is probably more to do with Chanyeol wanting to keep an eye on him, since Baekhyun is apparently so untrustworthy.

The next time Chanyeol goes out, Baekhyun goes to get the little box with the rings in from the spare room. It’s risky having them in there now that Chanyeol has made the room his home. Baekhyun doesn’t know what he’s going to do with them, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to muster up the will to take them back.

Sneaking into the room feels like a crime. A wave of sadness washes over Baekhyun when he realises that now, he feels he must be careful around Chanyeol, and probably vice versa. Between lovers, there should be no secrets. Baekhyun has never felt like he has to tiptoe around his husband before, or seek permission to do things which should be a given, such as entering rooms of their house which _should_ be shared spaces.

Trying not to seem guilty, Baekhyun crouches and reaches his arm under the mattress. Relief strikes him when he feels the box and pulls it out. He doesn’t know where Chanyeol has gone, or how long he will be gone for, so he needs to find somewhere else to hide this before his husband gets back.

On the way out though, Baekhyun sees the white corner of a piece of paper peeking from under the pillow of the bed. He frowns in curiosity, and debates for a moment whether to look. After much back and forth, he decides there should be nothing worth hiding, and so moves forward quickly before he changes his mind, intrigue burning at the forefront.

At first, Baekhyun’s mind struggles to figure out sense from what he’s reading. It’s a report for sure, but Chanyeol has already handed in the one for the Kyungsoo case. He hasn’t, or at least Baekhyun doesn’t think so, been back to work since.

The date at the top reads the day of the incident. What follows is Chanyeol’s account, but it’s not about Kyungsoo. Baekhyun scans the page with growing horror at what he is reading. It’s him. Chanyeol has been gathering ‘evidence’ on him this whole time. Where Baekhyun has been, who he has spoken to on the phone, what he has been doing inside the house.   

When Baekhyun reaches the bit about going into the station, he feels his knees go weak.

_‘I went to check with the DCI Baekhyun’s report of the incident, which explains that there was an accomplice holding a gun behind my head. It seems that his position as a trusted officer has enabled him to pull the wool over the eyes of our colleagues.’_

He brings a hand up to his mouth so as not to make any sound. So Chanyeol has been writing _this_ since he arrived home? Or even since being in hospital? Gathering evidence against Baekhyun so that he can, what? Show him up? Send him to jail where Chanyeol is so adamant that he belongs?! The last part of Baekhyun’s hope plummets. 

It’s that afternoon when Jongdae asks him if he wants to get a coffee. Baekhyun, too overwhelmed to care about the rings, hastily shoves them to the back of a drawer in his and Chanyeol’s home office and gladly escapes the house he feels increasingly trapped in.

The first thing Jongdae asks him is whether he’s okay. Baekhyun had managed to drag up an old beanie, pulling it on before he left the house, very ashamed of his hair loss, which has been continuing at a steady rate. Baekhyun doesn’t know whether he wants someone to tell him it’s going to be alright, or whether he wouldn’t be able to stand the pity. He doesn’t want to look weak, especially considering he’s just received a promotion.

“I’m…okay. How are you?” At Baekhyun’s answer, Jongdae eyes him for a moment, but seems to decide to let it go. Baekhyun mentally sighs in relief.

“I’m good. We’re all missing you guys, honestly, I’m covering your ass Byun, and I always thought I was the one who carried the team.” Jongdae winks and laughs heartily at his own teasing and Baekhyun tries to be as enthusiastic as he can. Chanyeol’s report plagues his mind, round and round. Baekhyun doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to build Chanyeol’s trust in him after this. Is their marriage strong enough to endure this?

“Baekhyun. I really don’t think you’re okay.” _Damn it Jongdae_. Baekhyun drops his eyes.

“Dae. I don’t know what to do.” 

Jongdae becomes alarmed at the break in Baekhyun’s voice, evidently not expecting him to actually admit to anything. Baekhyun lets out a self deprecating chuckle, too proud to really let go in public. Baekhyun turns on himself as the alternative.

“I fucked up. I ran in from the wrong angle, I handled it badly, Chanyeol is hurt and now he thinks I’m going to…to- I don’t know, come in during the night and handcuff him or something, betray everyone.” Baekhyun tries to keep his voice steady, not doing such a good job. Jongdae sits there listening. Baekhyun can tell he’s lost his friend, but Jongdae is clearly trying to be understanding. Baekhyun knows he has never shown this side of himself to anyone other than Chanyeol, he must be worrying the other man.

“Baek, I’m sure Chanyeol would never think that of you? Why would he?”

“He thinks I shot him on purpose! You didn’t see his face when he first came home; he was _scared_ of me Dae.” Baekhyun rubs his forehead, accidentally knocking the beanie askew, revealing the spot by his ear. He panics and yanks it back into place, but Jongdae has already seen. He sits quietly, eyes as wide as saucers.

“Baekhyun-“

“ _I know,_ I know, please Jongdae-“       

“B, I think you should see someone.” 

That stops him in is tracks. Is Jongdae  _ kidding? _

“Why would I do that?” 

Seeing someone isn’t going to fix his and Chanyeol’s relationship, if anything, it will only make Chanyeol more suspicious.

“Baek, look at you. You’re obviously falling ill, you’re distracted and looking unwell. Never mind even that, you look miserable.”

“But I really can’t see how some stranger can help. I just need Chanyeol to...to trust me somehow.” 

“Please Baek, at least go just once. We all have to keep our sanity; you need to take care of yourself.” Jongdae looks as though he’s trying to stay patient.

“I’m not gonna go Jongdae. Just, can we drop it?” Baekhyun casts about for a change of topic, desperate to get it away from himself. “How’s your brother doing? Wasn’t he looking for a new job?” 

Jongdae sighs, but lets it go once more. Baekhyun feels as though he’s narrowly dodged a bullet.

The thought ends up plaguing Baekhyun for the whole night, and the next, and the next. He tosses and turns and can’t sleep, so goes for a glass of water when he finds himself still awake at almost four.

It’s that time of the morning again. With it being winter, the view outside the windows shows nothing but rich black. No birds sing, no wind rustles the leaves. Baekhyun goes to the sofa and follows his usual routine for when his eyes don’t want to close, pulling the throw around him and sipping at his drink.

Today, Baekhyun has nowhere to be, so when he hears Chanyeol stirring, he doesn’t bother to move. Baekhyun has given up with pretences. He has nothing to lose from Chanyeol seeing him this way. He knows now that he can’t fall any further in Chanyeol’s eyes.

Baekhyun assumes that it’s seven or eight in the morning. Chanyeol never wakes before that time, and especially not if he has nowhere to be. Waiting for the footsteps to grow louder, Baekhyun is confused when they stop completely.

His mind wanders again. Jongdae’s suggestion twirls around his mind, teasing him. He had almost walked out of the door and gone yesterday, before his brain switched direction once again and yanked him back inside his prison.

Baekhyun startles and jumps about a foot in the air when Chanyeol’s rumbly voice speaks. Baekhyun never jumps.

“How long has this been going on?” Chanyeol actually comes and sits in the room with him, choosing the armchair farthest away from Baekhyun nevertheless. It takes Baekhyun a moment before he realises Chanyeol is talking about his early waking. It must not be as late as he thought. Where before he would have told a white lie to keep his husband from worrying, now Baekhyun feels no obligation to withhold the truth.

“A while.” He says lowly. Chanyeol hums, and there’s silence. Baekhyun can feel the chill in the air. If he squints, he can almost pretend things are still how they used to be. That the silence holds comfort, and not suspicion. Without a doubt, Chanyeol will be writing this behaviour in his report. Let him. Baekhyun doesn’t think anything will feel worse at this point than his husband’s rejection.

As the day builds, Chanyeol eventually gets up to whatever he does now on his own. Baekhyun stays hunched, curling onto his side at one point to finally catch the sleep which has eluded him all night. Now that he can hear the evidence of Chanyeol’s presence around him, he makes the most of that comfort, even if it is only one sided.

Baekhyun has had calls from both his and Chanyeol’s family and friends. Their anniversary has been and gone. He assumes that Chanyeol has been evading the truth as much as he has with them. Despite this, Baekhyun feels sure they must know that _something_ is awry. 

Baekhyun has left most of the talking for Chanyeol to deal with; not wanting to have to explain and re-explain why they wasted their flight tickets and cancelled their house party.

Yoora comes round with their gift one day with no warning. Perhaps the most awkward visit of Baekhyun’s life. The first thing he wonders is whether he should pretend. He could make something up; maybe that Chanyeol still isn’t well enough to go travelling so they simply decided to cancel their trip? Or-

“Alright, what’s going on?” Always blunt, hands on hips, Yoora stands in the kitchen archway. Chanyeol, mercifully, is out god knows where.

“Hey Noona.” Baekhyun is thankful he keeps his hat on inside the house now, far too ashamed to even look at himself in the mirror in this state. She cranes her neck and shouts.

“Chanyeol? Where is that boy? I did text him to say I was coming, he just told me not to bother. Rude.” 

Baekhyun feels bad for his sister in law. He wishes nobody else has to know how pitiful he has become recently.

“He’s out, sorry. What did you come for?” 

Yoora stares at Baekhyun for a moment.

“Uhh, did you forget? It was your anniversary two days ago. Mum’s been nagging about how she hasn’t had an invite to this party you guys were going to throw next week, don’t you remember? You’re supposed to be abroad right now.” She deadpans. Oh God. Luckily they hadn’t sent any invites round yet.

“Every time I’ve called my brother, he’s been really weird. Just tell me what’s happening Baekhyun.” While Yoora talks, she takes it upon herself to make her own tea. Baekhyun shakes his head when she offers and so she sits down opposite him when she’s done.

They speak for an hour. Baekhyun conveniently leaves out the main issue, not wanting to be assured once again that ‘of  _ course _ Chanyeol would never think that about you’ like he knows will happen again. Yoora agrees to persuade her mother to drop the party, for Baekhyun knows how stubborn she too can be when stuck on an idea. She also brings up the haunting issue.

“I think you should listen to what Jongdae said. It’s sensible.” 

“Not you too Noona.” Baekhyun groans. Yoora brings her mug up and drains the rest, looking right into his eyes.

“Baekhyun I can see that you’re not yourself. You’ve lost that spark of Baekhyun, that charisma that you always carry around. I can’t see it at the moment, you’re just…drained.”

Baekhyun thinks later about what Yoora had said. His charisma. Baekhyun likes to be in command. On the job, he likes to be the first to know, doesn’t want to be told what to do and above all, Baekhyun always likes to be in control of his feelings. His conversation with Yoora makes him realise, after four weeks, one thing he has not felt is in control. He also discovers why speaking to Yoora and Jongdae haven’t really worked; he needs someone for himself. Someone who doesn’t know Chanyeol and isn’t tainted by personal connections. It’s this realisation which finally allows Baekhyun to suck up his pride and go and see a therapist. 

Once Yoora is gone, he rings the number Jongdae had given him and writes down his appointment slot, hiding it with Chanyeol’s gift in his office drawer. Chanyeol can’t know about this.

Two days after Yoora visits, Chanyeol finds the rings. Baekhyun is walking past the open door of the office, heading to the bedroom when it happens. He makes it inside before his brain processes what his eyes saw in his peripherals and his heart stops, goosebumps rising on his arms.

Baekhyun rushes back out of the main bedroom and swings round into the office at a dangerous speed. Chanyeol is frozen still, staring down at the open box in his hands. It takes a good couple of minutes for him to realise he’s not alone, and when he does, Chanyeol slowly turns his head to look at Baekhyun standing in the doorway.

There’s  _ no way  _ Chanyeol doesn’t know what he’s found. Doubts creep up into Baekhyun’s mind. Chanyeol closes the box and draws it into himself, as if Baekhyun is going to suddenly run in and snatch it away from him. The green sticky note sitting on the desk reminds Baekhyun that his appointment for the therapist is in half an hour, but Baekhyun needs to get away, so he turns away and decides to go early.

Before Chanyeol can say a word he’s rushing to the door, heart thudding in his chest, only grabbing his keys from the hook before he’s out. 

Reaching his car, Baekhyun pats his pockets and curses to himself. He’s going to need his wallet; he’s going to have to go back inside.

When he shoves open the door, Chanyeol is standing right behind it looking desperate and they both jump in shock. In Chanyeol’s hand is Baekhyun’s jacket, and he thrusts it towards Baekhyun jerkily.

“Take this, it’s cold.” Baekhyun finds it slightly odd that Chanyeol should suddenly care.

“I need my-“

“Your wallet is in there too.” Baekhyun gapes for a second, before remembering that he’s trying to avoid Chanyeol.

It only occurs to him in the car that if the sticky note was on top of the desk, Chanyeol must have read it.

Reaching the building, red brick and very tall, Baekhyun sits in his car for a while and looks up. He’s twenty minutes early for his appointment and if he’s honest with himself, still unsure about whether he’s going to actually go inside. He does, eventually. Heaving a huge sigh, Baekhyun hugs his jacket closer when the wind whips at his neck. He drags his hat down and makes his way inside.

“Hi Mr Byun, just take a seat, Junmyeon should be done soon.” The lady at reception smiles kindly at him. It looks genuine enough.

Recalling that Junmyeon is the name of the guy he’s here to see, Baekhyun sits stiffly on one of the equally stiff leather chairs. The whole waiting room smells like floor polish. It’s small and square and Baekhyun rolls his eyes at the sight of a tall potted fern in the corner.  _ Of course there is. _

Baekhyun isn’t subjected to the dismal choice between the self help or ‘ _ Heat’ _ magazines for long. It’s only five minutes before a short squat girl, no older than sixteen, walks out of Junmyeon’s office early, a shy smile on her face. It gives Baekhyun a portion of hope as he gets up, adjusting himself on the way in.

Dr Kim Junmyeon has the kindliest looking face Baekhyun has ever seen. He, typically, has half moon spectacles and Baekhyun almost sniggers and he moves into the room and sits in the armchair Junmyeon is gesturing at. He folds his arms on the desk and gives Baekhyun his full attention, something Baekhyun is not at all used to as of late.

“So, I’ll start off by explaining that everything you tell me here is in confidence, and I both cannot and will not repeat it unless I believe it may harm you or others around you. Is that okay?” Junmyeon’s voice is soft and sure. Baekhyun nods, already feeling at ease with this man. If Baekhyun is paying as much as he is for this session, he wants to actually get something out of it.

“Alright Baekhyun, why did you book an appointment with me today?” That’s an easy one, Baekhyun thinks. Good start.

“Because my friend and sister in law kept pestering me about it.” Baekhyun’s response is automatic. Junmyeon chuckles in a fatherly like way, and Baekhyun allows himself to sink deeper into the armchair.

“Do you normally listen to what they have to say?”

“Well, yeah I guess. I mean, they would never push me into doing anything really.” 

It should be more unnerving, having a man behind a desk staring him down like this.

“I see. So it sounds like you’re quite a capable person.”

“I suppose I am, I- hang on, aren’t you going to ask me what the issue is?” Baekhyun feels a little baffled, all prepared to answer some tough soul searching questions and here Junmyeon is, almost completely avoiding the subject. 

“I can, but jumping straight in doesn’t normally help.” 

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to say to that. Junmyeon gets a glint in his eye. He continues.

“Did you want me to ask you why you have that hat pulled down over your ears? Or why your body language is showing me you feel uncomfortable here, or even why your tone of voice asks me questions and hides a second layer of the thoughts you _want_ to say.” 

Baekhyun can feel himself gawking. At least he knows that if this guy can’t help, nobody can.

“Although it’s my job, it’s not proper of me to make these assumptions about you without hearing them from you first.” Junmyeon says in an assuring manner. Baekhyun stammers out a thank you. Junmyeon laughs again.

“That’s no problem at all. Now Baekhyun, I’ll let you begin, if you’d like.”

Baekhyun decides that he should start from the beginning. He’s only a little hesitant to reveal that Chanyeol is his husband, but Junmyeon seems to have no issue with it, smiling kindly and gesturing for him to go on. He spills his heart out; his fears over Chanyeol and their relationship, his wanting to help Chanyeol with his own doubt but not being able to get close enough. Finally, Baekhyun takes off his beanie, almost crying at the sight of the hair sticking to the wool.

Junmyeon sits quietly and listens throughout the explanation. He nods, takes notes and when Baekhyun is done, he allows some silence.

Baekhyun feels relieved to have the past month and a half out in the open, though it does seem a little like airing his dirty laundry. He puts the hat back on self consciously, aware he’s being studied, hating feeling exposed like this despite knowing that Junmyeon will not judge.

“I just want my husband back. I want to be able to talk to him again, I want to know that he’s still somewhere in that cold shell that he’s wrapped around himself, still caring for me.” 

Junmyeon smiles kindly and sympathetically.

“I can’t reassure you that these things will happen. I don’t know your husband, and I obviously do not have a deep enough grasp on the situation and your relationship prior to this. What I can say, which is what I tell couples when they come for counselling together, is that nothing ever improves without hard work. If your husband still cares for you, then things will improve if you’re both willing to put in the effort. You need to be honest with him in everything, build his trust back up. Perhaps you two should sit down and analyse what it was which broke down that trust in the first place to make him misunderstand you so quickly.”

“Life is just a path of efforts.” Baekhyun mumbles to himself. Over time, Baekhyun had come to forget this vital mantra. All this whole misunderstanding really boils down to is a blind spot. Unfortunately, a lot more issues have arisen along the way.

He has ten minutes left, but Baekhyun feels better. Junmyeon has put things into perspective for him in the simplest terms possible, find out why Chanyeol doesn’t trust him and  _ talk  _ about this. With each other.

Baekhyun is a lot less reluctant to go back to the flat this time. There’s fear, of course there is - it pounds at his chest as though his heart is trying to escape, but he won’t let it. Baekhyun has been stressed, unhappy, losing hair for Pete’s sake. Now though, it’s time to take back control.

Once he cuts the engine back in their garage, Baekhyun sits in the car and shakes out his hands, checks his face in the mirror, then gets out and makes his way inside. 

Chanyeol is on the big sofa tapping his knees. This is something he always does when he’s feeling impatient. Baekhyun looks at him for a moment without being seen. Dark hair curls up behind his ears, his shoulders are slumped over, his face looks concentrated, but sad.

Chanyeol looks up then, startled, and Baekhyun speaks.

“Chanyeol-“ It's only when he hears his voice echoed back in the quiet room that Baekhyun spots the small device in Chanyeol’s grip. “y-you…had me bugged?” Chanyeol immediately looks ashamed.

“I-“

“Where is it? On my clothes? On- the jacket you gave me?! Chanyeol, how could you!”

“I’m sorry, I-you weren’t supposed to find out. Baekhyun, I didn’t believe you about this whole thing but this is- I just wanted proof.” 

“Proof. Yeah.” Baekhyun laughs bitterly to himself, his rise in hope faltering once more. He’s back in his prison. “Proof like the evidence you’ve been gathering on me over the past month?” 

Chanyeol’s jaw drops open, but Baekhyun cuts him off before he can speak, shaking his head in warning.

“Don’t. I already knew you didn’t trust me; this isn’t a big leap ahead.”

Despite his words, Baekhyun can see in Chanyeol’s face, in his body language, that something has changed. Still, that doesn’t stop the hurt and the anger bottled up inside him from snaking its way up his stomach, crawling up to the surface, constricting around his throat with a python’s grip. This has been living inside of him for too long, and now it  _ finally _ has a chance at freedom, nothing can stop it from moving. 

“You’re not the only one who’s been suffering. Do you think that just because you thought I was guilty that you could be the only one to hurt? I’ve been living without my husband for the past month Chanyeol. When you were out I felt less empty than when you  _ were _ here, ignoring me. Just…I just…want you back.”

Although just the summary of the whirlwind of thoughts in Baekhyun’s mind, he doesn’t know if he has the strength for any more. Baekhyun heads over to the sofas and respectfully chooses one away from Chanyeol, even though he’s already sick of the space between them. 

Chanyeol gets up and moves to Baekhyun’s sofa, hesitantly, though still leaving a space between. The gesture brings tears to Baekhyun’s eyes and he shakes himself. 

“I believe you.” The words are quiet, and Chanyeol seems hesitant to say them again. He doesn’t even look at Baekhyun when he says them, instead playing with his fingers in his lap. Baekhyun understands that Chanyeol is embarrassed - mortally so, for his ears are red and burning. 

Baekhyun knows he can’t simply go back to how they were before. Maybe in time they’ll grow closer once again, perhaps even closer than ever, but right now he still feels the sting of rejection and the agony of the last month. The fire has gone out, but the burn is first degree and it scorches him. 

“I believe you. I really, really do.” Chanyeol repeats himself, maybe he thinks Baekhyun didn’t hear him, maybe he thinks Baekhyun doesn’t believe him. There is lots of forgiving to do, lots of trust to repair, but Baekhyun knows one thing above all else; life is just a path of efforts. Baekhyun still loves Chanyeol, is willing to put that effort in and hopefully, apparently, Chanyeol is too. 

“Take that promotion. I’m going to resign.” Chanyeol’s confession brings Baekhyun to a mental halt. Of all the things he might have expected, this is not one of them.

“What? No, you can’t!” Baekhyun is too stunned to react differently. He knows how much Chanyeol’s job means to him.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and this is the only way. There’s no way for me to apologise for what I’ve done. I’ve made one too many assumptions. It wasn’t just about my safety this time; I almost ruined our relationship for good. I- I can’t trust myself not to do this again. I don’t want to lose you. Not a second time.” 

Chanyeol moves so slowly, so carefully when he comes forward and envelopes Baekhyun in a hug. Something bursts inside, and suddenly Baekhyun finds himself sobbing. He clings to Chanyeol like a life raft. All the emotions he has been bottling up, the ones he hasn’t, finally escape. He cries for what he has lost, what he thought he had lost and what he still has. Finally able to do so. Baekhyun knows what it’s like at the bottom, and he never wants to go back. 

“I was so, so wrong. I thought you’d ruined my life. I never imagined that I’d be the one ruining yours.” Chanyeol’s voice is full of remorse as he cries into Baekhyun’s neck. “You stayed. I was so cruel and you stayed.”

“I’ll need time. Give me time.” Baekhyun whispers.

“Of course. That’s the least I can do. As long as it takes I’ll be here for you Baekhyun. I’ll wait for you.”

 

FIN~

 

 

 


End file.
